All About The Penis, Men & Male Sexuality

Penis size...soft, hard, cold

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Well, guys, does your penis measure up? Do you sport a massive member or a puckered little acorn? And if you are less well-endowed than most, does it matter?

Well, yes, it matters if you're going round the locker room hiding your penis under a towel and peeking at the massive penis swinging in front of the man next to you while thinking you're worse off. It matters if you think sex would be much better for you and your woman if your penis was longer, harder, wider or a different shape. It matters even more if she's telling you that. And it matters if you believe a woman's not satisfied unless her vagina's stretched to the limit during sex.

And it matters most of all if you believe all the images around us which tell us every day, one way or another, that you're more of a man if you have a big penis.

What's the truth?

First of all, let's deal with average sizes. Here are the true facts about penis size:

The average white penis is 5.9 inches long. The average white penis is 4.9 inches around at the widest point, which is most often the rim of the coronal ridge, though a penis will obviously appear thicker around the coronal ridge when the foreskin is covering the glans than it will when the foreskin is pulled back. Black penises are on average half an inch longer than white penises, and Asian penises are on average half an inch shorter. Seventy five percent of all penises are between 5.25 and 7.25 inches long.

By this standard, half of all erect white penises are less than 5.9 inches. Unfortunately for a man who has to call himself "shorter than average" the other half are longer than 5.9 inches - but not by much. Only 40% of white men have a penis longer than 6 inches; only 30% have one longer than 6.25 inches, and by the time you get to 7.75 inches, you're down to 2% of men.

Now get your string and ruler out and see how your penis compares. Oh, wait! Are you gay or straight? Apparently, it makes a difference!)

But I can just hear you now, saying "What the heck does that matter? There's a big difference between 5 inches and 7 inches" - more than enough to give a guy an inferiority complex.

And you know what? I think it's true we'd all secretly like a big penis. But does this really have anything to do with sex? Isn't it just about measuring up in front of other men? You'll see loads of internet sites which say, in roughly equal numbers: "No, penis size does not matter to women" and "Come on, let's be truthful, of course women like a big penis." Jeez, who can you believe?

What I can tell you is this: I think women do prefer a big penis during sex if they need a large size to feel physical pleasure. Whether this is so or not depends on many things - a few of which include:

The man's skill as a lover. If he can thrust so his penis hits her G spot, she'll get as much pleasure as she can handle, regardless of the size of his knob. And this also depends on the shape and angle of his erection and her vaginal canal.

Her sensitivity to vaginal thrusting. Of course she may get more pleasure during sex if he has a big penis, simply because it gives her more stimulation. Big deal. If she needs a big penis to feel good during intercourse, it's her sexual responses that need improving, not her man's penis.

How much in love she is with him. A loving relationship adds a few inches to the size of your penis in a woman's mind.

The man's attitude. Seriously, which do you think a woman would prefer? An arrogant shit with a nine inch penis or a wonderful, masculine, caring lover with a five inch penis? Especially if the smaller guy's good at cunnilingus.

Whether she's a size queen. Sure, some women are turned on by a big penis. However, 98% of women are turned on by their lover's penis, regardless of its size. 

How toned her muscles are. If she's had five kids and never bothered to do any Kegel exercises, she'll be loose. I'd say that's her problem, not yours.

In short, if your lover doesn't like the size of your penis, find one who does.

More on what women think about penis size.

The personal experience of penis size

At just under six inches, my penis is more or less average. But even so I'd admit to a sense of insecurity around my penis - it is very small when soft, and the locker room has always been a difficult challenge. And as for getting it out in front of a new lover - well, that was once a very worrying prospect. Of course, mostly I made sure it was erect before I popped open my pants, and nobody ever said a thing about it.

OK, I admit I do fantasize about what it would be like to have a bigger penis. But it doesn't rule my life. This fantasy is mostly for reasons of wanting to swagger around in the showers, not satisfying sexual partners. Hmmm.

One woman  told me that insofar as size is important for her, it is the thickness that matters, not the length. Indeed, a long penis can be painful, because a vagina isn't much more than five inches deep, and the cervix is sensitive. The way she put it was: "You want something that will touch the sides." Maybe her muscles were a bit slack. 

My limp penis is about two inches long, so it is of the sort than expands mightily on erection. I have heard of a few that just get hard, being the same length soft and erect.

In fact, I think I have seen a few flaccid penises like this: limp penises of such size that it was hard to believe they could get any bigger.

In fact they were so damn big I don't know how their owners got them tucked into their swim shorts. I think this difference in expandability is summed up in the expression "Are you a grower or a shower?" (That's show-er, as in "motor show", not shower as in washing under a hot water jet.) Anyway, soft penises mostly tend to be much smaller than the hard ones. 

They change size all day, too. Although mine is often fat and relaxed when I get out of bed, when it's still coming down from the night-time/morning erections, it certainly shrivels up as the morning wears on. After lunch it seems to gradually relax and expand. I think it has an aversion to the office, and looks forward to going home.

In the evening it is all soft and relaxed, and stays that way unless called on to do its duty, or provoked by my libido. (Later addition: Interestingly I long since gave up office work, and my penis still behaves the same way, so I think it must have an aversion to getting out of bed.)

One thing my penis definitely does not like is being cold. It more or less disappears, and looks like an acorn, as though it wants to retreat into the warmth of my abdomen, though it can be manually popped out again. My testicles also do a disappearing act when cold. I am told that this tendency is more marked in some men than others, and depends on the reaction of the scrotal muscles (which run into the penis shaft) to a cold environment.

Thus if you have retractile balls, you probably have a shrinking penis as well. Something similar happens to me in frightening situations (e.g. when I go parachuting). Hence the expression "a scrotum-tightener". It means a frightening situation. So I'm told. 

From time to time I have dallied with the idea of trying a penis enlargement program, of which there are plenty on the web. The safe ones, by which I mean the non-surgical ones, all rely on the same basic idea - that a stretched tissue expands in the direction of the stretch.

This concept is a bit akin to the elongated lips and ears that indigenous peoples achieve by repeated pulling on these appendages - except that the penis stretching idea is a westernized concept which the indigenous peoples never seem to have thought of. Does it work? Well, if I ever get round to trying it, I will let you know. 

Here's another interesting penis size website - Penis Size Info

By the way, penis size does not matter. And how do I know that? Well, here's an email I received: 

"When I was young my first serious boyfriend told me his ex referred to him as 'thumbelina'. He was rather small, so it never hurt when he took my virginity, and in fact I came my first time.  I had heard that small men make up for it in other ways and he proved it....I was a slave to him, he was always sure to pleasure me before himself, and he was just the best at going down on me.  And I never once choked on him! He was a total dream. 

"And he wasn't tall, and he wasn't cute, but oh man was he ever good in bed. I only wish my present husband was like that. My husband is 8 inches long and the worst lover I have ever had.  I think bigger men feel that just having a big penis is enough, and they don't need to do anything but put it in.  Sometimes sex is very painful for me because of his length. Oral is hard for me to do. He apparently sees no need to even touch my pussy, let alone lick it.

"A man who is a considerate lover and willing to go down on me is my master, I would do whatever he wished.  Penis size is an afterthought.  I would go so far as to say a man with no penis at all would be fine if he knew how to please a woman. A woman can go to an adult store and buy a bigger vibrator, but she can't buy skill."

Gay Men Have Larger Penises - Or Do They?

Oh dear. Who could make this stuff up? I sometimes wonder what these academics have to do all day, some of the stuff that they come out with. But in my fearless quest for the truth, I feel I have to bring you this material. Now, I know that this is actually unlikely, so it leaves me in a dilemma: what could possibly lie behind the assertion that gay men do indeed have bigger penises than straight men? (Especially bearing in mind that the whole range of human sexuality is so fluid, and many men are neither gay nor straight but somewhere in between.)

Well, first of all you probably remember the name Alfred Kinsey. He was the pioneer American researcher who went into men and women's pants, a journey where no-one had previously dared to go. And among the data he gathered  was a lot of stuff about penis size (although in truth he asked men to measure their own penises and send the results in on a postcard, but sometimes myth is more appealing than reality).

And of course, being a man who wanted to know it all, he asked the men if they were gay or straight - a pretty amazing thing for the time, because many men who were gay would not have been able to articulate that fact, being married or unaware of their true orientation. So how reliable would the answer to that question be? Who knows? But years later, this material provides ample scope for researchers with time on their hands, or, I suppose, researchers who have a point to prove.

So - if you thought six inches, give or take a tenth of an inch, was the length of the average male erection, then think again. Averages like this are made up of groups of men, and they conceal subtle variations in the data. Fortunately, we have Dr. Anthony Bogaert of Brock University in Ontario to put us right. He analyzed the data in groups and discovered this: a gay penis is on average 6.32 inches long when erect, while a straight one is 5.99 inches.

Stiff homosexual penises are therefore one-third of an inch longer...or so he says in "The Relationship Between Sexual Orientation and Penis Size", published in the June 1999 Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Uh-ho. First of all, can you really measure to a one-hundredth of an inch using a ruler? No? Then does that not put some doubt on the data? Well, yes, but let's press on anyway. The data is based on the archived measurements of 5,122 penises included in the Kinsey Report (measurements taken between 1938 and 1963).

Men were asked to define their sexual orientation, and measure their penises (among many other things), and this is what the data, many years on, appears to show.

And in fact the men were asked to measure around their penises as well.....oh dear......the same thing happens: men who are straight have smaller circumference as well as smaller length! The straight penis circumference is 4.80 inches, while the gay penis penises in at 4.95 inches.

But what is going on? Why would this be so - if it is true at all? Bogaert says that it may have some connection to prenatal hormones which can affect the structure and size of the genitals and certain parts of the brain that determine sexual orientation.

We do know that gay men seem to have certain differences in brain structure, though, like all these issues, this is a hot political potato and biologically still unresolved. However, the proponents of theories which suggest that biological factors affect sexual orientation do seem to gain some comfort here....

What, though, about the dreadful possibility that men aren't always, shall we say, totally truthful when talking about penis size? Well, the rebuttal is clear - would it make any sense for gay men to boast more about their penis size than straight men? (Er....I don't know!)

And as if I'm dealing in trivialities, the mainstream media has not really reported these astonishing claims. The London Evening Standard mentioned it on August 24th 1999 but beyond that .....silence. Or maybe not.....try typing "penis size and sexual orientation into Google".

Finally, much of the fuss around penis size comes from a world view of masculinity which is fundamentally immature.

Other pages on the penis and testicles

Penis size
Foreskin restoration
Ejaculation and orgasm
The prostate gland
Wet dreams
Ejaculation problems
The life history of a sperm
Avoiding The Mid Life Crisis

Other sections on the site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Penile & Other Problems

Other pages on penis size

Small penis syndrome
Penis variations in pictures
Penis enlarging/ body mod
A Personal View Of Penis Size


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