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Extended sexual orgasm

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The information on this page is based on the work of Alan P. Brauer and Donna J. Brauer, who have written a book called Extended Sexual Orgasm - How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm.

Why enjoy extended orgasm?

It's a tempting prospect, isn't it - orgasms that last for hours rather than seconds? But is it a real prospect? The answer seems to be an unequivocal "yes".

The Brauers have trained thousands of satisfied clients to achieve peak ecstasy states for long periods of time.

The Brauers have shown that, at its peak, ESO for women consists of an hour or more of deep continuous orgasm with two types of muscular contractions - the "ordinary" shallow vaginal contractions of normal orgasm and deep, pelvic muscle contractions.

This type of orgasm is experienced as ever-increasing waves of pleasure.

For men, ESO is a state in which that moment of glorious sensation immediately before you ejaculate is maintained. (If you want to stop premature ejaculation, click here for good advice.)

In this state your penis remains hard and erect and secretes copious amounts of clear pre-cum.

The physical and emotional feelings that go along with this are like those of sustained orgasmic pleasure.

To prevent you falling over the crest into a "normal" orgasm and ejaculation, you apply some simple techniques which allow your pleasure to continue to rise, plateau and rise again without you having an ejaculation.

Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same

Remember that orgasm and ejaculation are separate processes - you can have an orgasm without ejaculating. That's what happens during ESO. 

The most important single precondition for ESO is trust between the partners who are practicing it - funnily enough, you don't even have to love the person you're doing it with, but you do have trust them.

Without trust, the emotional openness needed to allow the relaxation into the extended orgasmic state may not happen.

And romance is another helpful contributor to the process! (If some of you guys don't know what romance is, then you might want to do a search on Google!)

Now, we need just a few background facts about what happens when woman and a man get sexually aroused. In a man, the first stage of sexual arousal is marked by swelling of his penis.

It gradually gets bigger and more tumescent (a nice word, I think!) until it is fully erect and hard. It is in this stage of erection that a man can learn how to extend his orgasm.

And the last stage of erection is the rigid, throbbing hardness that signifies ejaculation is about to happen; in this stage of erection, the scrotum contracts, so that the testicles are drawn close against the body wall. 

In a woman, the walls of the vagina normally press together. Her first sign of sexual arousal is vaginal lubrication.

Next, the deepest part of her vagina begins to open out as her uterus tilts upwards.

view of woman's face as she enjoys extended orgasmMeanwhile, the outer part of her vagina becomes congested with blood and decreases in diameter - an effect which means it can hold a penis of any size tightly enough for sexual pleasure.

At the beginning of orgasm, her PC muscle contracts; in deeper orgasmic experiences, her pelvic muscles and those of her uterus also pulsate. 

And now something else that's a necessary precursor to ESO: PC muscle exercises.

The PC muscle features in all websites and books related to sexual improvement, simply because it is the most important muscle in the body when it comes to sexual pleasure. It surrounds the vagina and anus or penis and anus, and it runs under the perineum.

During an orgasm its contractions are responsible for much of the physical sensation one feels, so a fit PC muscle means a happy sex life.

And for ESO, a fit PC muscle is essential. Happily, exercising it is simple - the easiest way to find it is to stop the flow of your urine in mid stream, or for men, to twitch your erect penis.

The muscle that stops the flow of urine and forces more blood into your penis is your PC muscle. 

A suitable schedule of exercise for strengthening your PC muscle might be something like this, repeated three times a day: Slowly squeeze and and clench your PC muscle - hold for ten seconds - release as you exhale.

Repeat thirty times. Then clench and relax it once per second for thirty repetitions.

Finally, clench and squeeze as you breath in, then instead of relaxing, bear down as though forcing out urine or feces as you breath out. Repeat thirty times.

Do this slowly and maintain focus. You'll have to work up to this level of intensity gradually, but the increase in your sexual pleasure will be amazing - mine certainly was.

(You can read more about what happened for me on the ejaculation page of this site.) 

For men, tightening the PC muscle increases arousal; pushing out (a movement akin to forcing out your urine or feces) can help stop ejaculation.

So a fit PC muscle means you have two new controls on your penis - an accelerator and a brake on your journey towards orgasm! Those which stimulate the PC muscle or put strain on it are the best sex positions to speed up orgasm in a man.

There are various other exercises which help increase your control of your sexual responses, including breathing and testicular elevation.

Since this is a website mostly about men, on this page I'm focusing mainly on ESO for men. If you want to read more about the process for women, and couples, the Brauers' book is helpful.

Self-stimulation techniques to develop ESO for men

Since the early stages of learning ESO involve masturbation, it isn't much of a hardship for men!

You only need your penis, ample time, a strong PC muscle, and the ability to focus on what's happening in your body - oh, and a bit of privacy, perhaps.

Lube up your penis, your scrotum and your perineum (the area between your anus and scrotum) with a good lube, and masturbate until your penis is erect.

Then, the objective is to maintain your erection for thirty minutes without ejaculating.

Bring yourself towards orgasm at least six times in the period, each time backing off so that you do not actually ejaculate.

This will quickly enough enable you to reach the point of ejaculatory inevitability yet not ejaculate, and that's the ideal foundation for ESO.

The more you can do this, the better. And you'll be glad to know that practice makes perfect!

The problem may be resisting the pull to masturbate until you ejaculate. Only you can decide if you have the self-discipline to work towards much longer and better orgasms....

Once you have some experience with this, the next step is to use your other hand to massage the root of your penis, through your perineum.

You can also stimulate the external spot on your perineum which lies above your prostate gland.

Massaging your prostate is sexually stimulating since it is involved in the powerful feelings of ejaculation; pressing on it from outside your body can reproduce some of the intensity of ejaculation but without the ejaculation.

An alternative is to have your partner massage your prostate through your anus, with a finger inside your rectum.

male sexual anatomyThis can massively add to the intensity of your orgasmic pleasure and is a major part of the pleasure derived from ESO.

In addition, hopefully by now you can actually stop yourself from ejaculating by clenching your PC muscles.

The diagram shows the location of the pelvic floor muscles

Lengthening your orgasm

To make your orgasm last longer, you need very fit PC muscles and the ability to maintain an erection for at least thirty minutes without coming.

If you're at this stage, notice how many muscular contractions you normally experience during orgasm/ejaculation - and note that the stronger ones are usually the first ones.

You probably have up to nine, possibly as few as three.

From now on, in your sessions of ESO, you should start by masturbating for thirty minutes without ejaculation so as to build up the conditions in your body for the extended orgasm you're aiming for.

Then, as you approach ejaculation, tighten your PC muscles, but instead of stopping stimulation, continue stimulating your penis slowly throughout your ejaculation.

Push the sensation on and on for as long as you can maintain it. Allow the sensations of orgasmic ecstasy in your genitals to spread throughout your body.

Extended orgasm for men - with the help of your partner.

One of the exciting things about this sexual exploration is the way you learn more about yourself and your sexual responsiveness.

But it requires good communication with your partner to work successfully. You can improve the quality of your communication by expressing your feelings, no matter how difficult this may be, and no matter how trivial they may seem: unfortunately, it is the trivial things that build up into big arguments when they are not expressed.

Video - Extended Orgasm

You need to do this to build up trust between the two of you, because trust is a prerequisite for success in ESO techniques, and it's only fully between two partners who are being open and honest with each other. There is a positive side to this as well, of course - the expression of your appreciation and approval of your partner's positive qualities.

Before you begin to touch each other physically, you need to establish emotional connection by allowing yourselves to have good eye contact or displays of physical affection such as hand-holding, hugging, tender caresses, stroking, massage and so on.

Romance during the day - the unexpected phone call or card, the gestures which tell your partner "I'm here, and I appreciate you, and I'm thinking of you" - goes a long way to establishing trust and setting the scene for Extended Sexual Orgasms.

And don't forget kissing - it's one of the best ways of setting the scene. It's a powerful way of communicating affection and connection. So is exploring each other's genitals - something you may not be in the habit of doing routinely!

During this exploration, you can give and receive feedback on the type of stroke and pressure that you both like: once again, of course, the central point of the exercise is to establish greater intimacy and closeness through effective communication.

She can learn how you like your penis handled, and you can find out how she likes her vulva and clitoris to be stimulated.

As you play together you'll find that your increasing arousal stimulates your partner's arousal and vice versa. You may recall from the previous page that a certain level of arousal is necessary for ESO to happen, so extended foreplay, during which you and your partner turn each other on, is also very necessary before you can reach long multiple orgasms.

Happily, switching roles from toucher to touchee and back again, and switching the focus of your attention from internal to external allows this process to build naturally. The Brauers describe it all in their book if you want to find out exactly how to do it. (The Brauers' book.) At least thirty minutes of foreplay is needed for the right level of arousal to build.

The Brauers list the preconditions needed for ESO:

  • You both understand each other's genitals and what works for them

  • Men can get near to ejaculation without coming at least six times in thirty minutes through masturbation
  • Women can reach orgasm through masturbation with only their hands (no vibrators)
  • Men can stimulate their partner to orgasm in twenty minutes with only hands or mouth or both (no vibrators)
  • Women can stimulate their man to almost reach ejaculation at least six times in thirty minutes
  • You can both communicate comfortably about all these techniques and issues.

Video - Extended Orgasm

This page focuses mainly on ESO for men by women, but in the early stages of a couple's exploration of ESO, it's best if the man pleasures the woman first. This is because a man can focus much better on giving a woman pleasure if he has not yet enjoyed his own orgasm and ejaculation.

His ejaculation dispels his arousal, his sexual energy, and his desire to please his partner. For ESO, it's therefore much better to have him pleasuring her first, so it may be helpful to read the Brauers' book before you start these exercises.

When she is satisfied, he will still be aroused (with or without an erection) and she can focus joyfully and lovingly on giving him pleasure. Well, that's how it works for us! By the way, I'm writing this as though it's being read by a man, for the sake of simplicity.

But if you're a woman, wanting to know how to please your guy, it shouldn't be hard to translate the instruction into the first person. 


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As a man, you may find it difficult to lie back and accept pleasure. After all, men are used to being the givers of pleasure, the do-ers. But lying back is what you have to do!

In this system, you will progress through increasing sexual arousal into the first stage of your ejaculation reflex: the emission of semen into the bulb of your penis.

But you don't reach the second stage - the ejaculation phase. Instead, you remain for a prolonged period in the emission phase, with a hard erection and lots of secretion of precum from your penis. The internal contractions feel intensely pleasurable, but you don't go over the crest into ejaculation. 

The prostate is an important part of this process. During normal sex, stimulating it produces a longer, more powerful orgasm and greater volume of semen. During ESO, alternating stimulation of the prostate with stimulation of the penis can produce high levels of continuous orgasmic arousal.

Although your partner can do this from outside your body (by pressing deeply on your perineum half-way between your scrotum and anus), it works much better if she sticks her finger up your anus and into your rectum, then massages your prostate through your rectal wall. (She can always use a latex glove if she wishes.)

The first step is for your partner to masturbate you to an erection. And she'll need lots of lube: make sure it's a pleasant tasting one if you want to incorporate oral sex! There are many variations of masturbation that are suitable: indeed, anything that is pleasurable and maintains your arousal at a high level is ideal for the practice of extended orgasm.

After you've been erect for at least fifteen minutes, your partner can begin to stimulate your scrotum and your prostate, either by putting a finger inside your anus and massaging your prostate through the wall of your rectum or by pressing on your perineum.

 

Other pages on the penis and male sexuality

Best sex positions
Cunnilingus
Fellatio - what women think
Better sex and masturbation
Pleasing a woman in bed
How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed
The penis & male pleasure
Premature ejaculation
Extended orgasm for men (1)
The senses in lovemaking
Arousal and desire
Fetish and fantasy
Libido
Sexual behavior
Intercourse with a soft penis
Men's sexual needs
The power of the penis
The nature of masculinity
Male sexual massage
Manifesting Your Reality
How to make a girl orgasm

Other sections on the  site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Penile & Other Problems  
 

 

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