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I have never had anal sex. The idea of putting my penis up a woman's anus doesn't excite me as much as the idea of putting it in her vagina. Would I like to try it? With a loving partner, with whom I felt confident, and who also wanted to try it, probably. But it isn't a matter of great importance. In any case, you can play with a partner's anus with fingers and tongue rather than your penis if you want to, though I see this is not the same in many men's eyes.

In fact it turns out that anal sex is a lot less popular than you might think. Only about 24% of couples do it regularly, according to a survey on VulvaVelvet. It is not found more in any particular group or section of society.

I guess we tend to think of the anus as a purely functional bit of the body, for getting rid of waste matter, rather than a place to put a penis, yet it is very sensitive and lined with nerve endings which can feed into sexual pleasure. Indeed, if you read about Tantric Sex, you soon find that the anus is seen as an important part of the body's sexual system. 

A lot of people are concerned with hygiene. However, the esthetic aspects of anal sex can be dealt with by washing, douching and so on: the real issue, I think, is the possibility of hepatitis, which can be carried in shit. Some people are carriers, which means they may have hepatitis and don't know it. You can find out more about hepatitis here.

Most people have probably tried anal play with a finger or two: for men and women alike, anal massage or stimulation is especially nice when being masturbated. It adds greater depth and intensity to the experience. And, at least in my experience, a woman certainly seems to like a well-lubed finger playing with her anus when I'm masturbating her or giving her cunnilingus. Indeed, this combination seems to drive some women wild. 

One thing some men like to experience is pressure on their prostate gland. And they can get this by being penetrated up the ass - though the absence of a penis on a female partner is, shall we say, just a slight handicap. Instead, the technique involves a strap-on dildo, perhaps a double-sided one with a shorter vaginal dildo attached so the woman can experience extra stimulation, but certainly designed so that her clitoris is stimulated as she thrusts: this means she may well come through the action of penetration and thrusting.

There's a video on this subject, called Bend Over Boyfriend. It's sold by Good Vibrations. Click on the previous link to go to their website then look in the video section till you find it. It's under sex education and videos for men and their partners. I watched this video open-mouthed the first time I saw it. It certainly challenges your preconceptions of sex roles. They promote it with the line: "Do men like penetration? You betcha!" After this, if a woman ever says "I wish I knew what it's like to be the male partner in sex", you can always reply: "Come home with me and find out!" Anyhow, if you want information about anal sex, try this website: Sexual Positions.

Making anal sex good

I said above that my beloved and I haven't really tried anal sex and we certainly haven't incorporated it into our lovemaking on a regular basis. So what qualifies me to write advice on how to get your penis into that tight place? 

Well, I must confess we've now had a session of experimentation, and so we're in a position to report back. I guess we'd both secretly wanted to try it for quite some time, and the only thing lacking between us had been enough communication to make it happen. Once the subject was raised, we were off, so to speak. 

As far as hygiene is concerned, it's easy to wash well enough to make the whole experience a pleasurable one. You can get more information on how to make it a clean experience at the websites listed on the bottom of this page. And I'll deal with positions suitable for anal sex in a moment.

I had thought that mostly women would do anal sex just to please their guy, but this is a bit naive. The anus - and the anal canal, for that matter - are surrounded by lots of nerve endings which can give a very erotic sensation when they are stimulated in the right way: which seems to mean gently, without force, and preferably when the person who owns them is pretty turned on.

Once the beloved had made clear that she liked her rosebud (I'm going to call her anus by that nicer name from now on) being gently massaged with oil, and loved the surrounding skin being gently stroked with a finger tip, it was but a moment  before my erect penis was gently probing at her door. (Well, in fact it was a few moments actually, given that anal sex - when it's done properly - takes quite some time.) The secret, we discovered, is to aim your penis with your hand - don't just push blindly, because that way you'll never get in. You need a helping hand to guide your penis head straight for the center of her rosebud. 

You'll also need loads of lube. Entering an anus is not like entering a vagina - there's no natural lube around, so make sure you have plenty of water based lube. Astroglide or Probe are pretty slippery customers ideally suited to the job. At least in our experience.

And you'll want to go slowly. Very slowly. And you'll want to stop if she indicates that it's hurting her. As it may well do if you are novices at this, or if she is a bit tense about the whole process. Once you're in there, though, I think you'll find you enjoy it. There's a tightness and warmth which is more stimulating that that of the vagina, though overall the experience lacked something for me: probably the fact that it didn't turn my beloved on or excite her very much.

I guess you wouldn't really expect it too, unless the idea of taking it up her ass was itself a turn on for her, because there are no sexual nerves, no G-spot and no clitoris anywhere near her anus. But it was an interesting experience, and one we might repeat from time to time.

Ah yes, anal sex positions. You probably want suggestions about how you might get into the best sex position to penetrate her anus. In fact it isn't that difficult. In essence, any position you adopt for anal sex is only a variation of the similar position you'd use for vaginal intercourse. You can see pictures at of a (real-life, committed) couple enjoying anal sex at this website: Sex positions.

On her site, All About My Vagina, Sarah has some advice for the better enjoyment of anal sex ("backdoor action", she calls it). For your edification, this is an extract: helps for me to be both actively aroused and actively relaxing myself. I tend to lie flat on my tummy, to be better relaxed and unstretched. Also I find it is necessary for the phallic object to be inserted far enough that it is past its widest point, so that I'm not being actively stretched by any movement (I'm staying the same size). This requires gentle but steady pressure until it gets to a manageable place.

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Other pages on the penis and sex

The Penis
Sex Positions
Anal Sex
Fellatio: men and women
Fellatio: advice for women
Sex tips for men
Sex tips for women
Premature ejaculation
Sexual behavior
Sex toys and films
The senses in sex and love
Sexual dysfunction
Tantric sex
Lust and libido
Sexually transmitted infections

Other sections on the site

Penis information & penile facts
Penile over and under sensitivity issues - over-sensitivity and under-sensitivity discussed.