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Tips for a man to pleasure a woman (page 1)

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If you're a man looking to spice things up with your woman, remember that there's no better aphrodisiac than a woman who's turned on.

Her arousal will turn you on, and you'll have a better time with her than you would if you're selfish about it (i.e. you stick your penis in her, ejaculate, withdraw, turn over and go to sleep!), so it's worth spending time to make sure that she's got to the launch pad - and that she goes into orbit - before you get down to the serious business of the penis-in-the-vagina routine!

To help you get her to the right place for you both to have a great time, I offer these tried and tested tips. And for women who don't experience orgasm during sex - or even masturbation - there are plenty of ways to overcome anorgasmia and reach orgasm during sex.

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Don't penetrate her before she's ready.

A woman is not going to thank you for trying to get your penis into her before she's ready, for all kinds of reasons.

(If you need this spelling out, first of all, it hurts her if you penetrate her vagina without enough natural - or even artificial - lube, and second, she wants to feel emotionally secure with you before she lets your penis into her body. Even if she's in a relationship with you, this feeling of security needs to be generated each time you make love.)

How do you know when she's ready for your penis to enter her, though? Well, it's true that sometimes she'll be horny and ready for you without much foreplay.

On these occasions, you'll know what to do, from her obvious sense of urgency and desire. But generally, she'll want to be caressed, cuddled and nurtured for anything up to twenty minutes before she is ready for more intimate contact.

And don't start by touching her breasts, clitoris and vulva. Most women like to be touched all over, and it is the sensitivity of your touch on her less intimate areas (back, neck, face, arms, belly, around her breasts, and legs) that awakens her desire to be touched on her sexually sensitive areas like her breasts, nipples, clitoris and vulva.

With the right amount of kissing, cuddling, stroking, fondling and gentle words, she will awaken to her increasing sense of sexual desire for more intimate contact.

A good sign of this is when she begins to press her vulva against you or to thrust her hips gently in a kind of wave-like or undulating motion. But even then, ask her before you go into her, with either fingers or penis. ("May I enter your special place/secret garden/temple of love, darling?") Speaking of which, see below.

Picture showing female sexual anatomy

Stimulate her G spot - and her "A spot"!

We've all heard of the G-spot. It's that sensitive area of tissue on the upper wall of her vagina (as she lies on her back) between an inch and two inches inside her.

You can feel it as a little raised area, often described as the size of a pea (though in my experience it's bigger than that), which changes texture as she gets more aroused.

But there's another area - basically the whole of the upper wall of her vagina - which can be extremely arousing and when stimulated can help her to lubricate more freely and also have more intense orgasms. This so-called A-zone, or anterior fornix zone, will likely respond to the stimulation of your fingers. One or two fingers gently inserted and then rubbed, stroked, swirled or swept back and forth across the upper wall of her vagina can be intensely stimulating.

But you have to wait until she's aroused enough, or it may not be that wonderful for her.

Combined with clitoral stimulation, either from your lips and tongue or your other fingers, this move can bring her to a powerful orgasm which provides both emotional and physical satisfaction.

Some of the very best sex positions achieve deeper penetration and are more likely than others to stimulate these spots, and you need to be careful which you use - too deep penetration can be painful if the erect penis hits the cervix.

location of the U spot - it is just under the clitoris

Decorate the bed - and the bedroom.

As a man, it's easy to overlook the importance of romance for a woman. Try this next time you make love: without her knowledge, turn your bedroom into a temple of love. (No, really, try it.)

Scatter flower petals across the sheets or lay some flowers on the bed. Burn a scented candle or use some essential oils in a burner.

Place a silk sheet across the bed ready for your princess - for that's what she will feel like if you make even a few simple efforts to romance her.

And the rewards will be great: nothing turns a woman on like the thought that she's the special woman for whom you are prepared to make all these courtly gestures.

You won't want to do this every time, but once in a while, cook her a meal, make up a temple of love in the bedroom, and give yourself over to her pleasure for the evening. Speaking of which, see below.

Let her come first (especially if she doesn't usually come through vaginal intercourse). 

As a guy, it will be all too obvious to you that once you've come, you are likely to lose interest, want to sleep or move on the next important event in your life.

You probably also know that women do not come down from sexual excitement as quickly as you do.

This means that a good principle in sex is this: know how to make her come first however she likes to reach orgasm - with tongue, fingers, lips, or however she likes to come.

Then, enjoy penetration (she'll likely be much more receptive to having your penis inside her after she's come anyway) and thrusting, for as long as you and she like.

Enjoy your own orgasm, and then cuddle her for a while after sex (that's especially important so she doesn't feel used). Then you can go to sleep!

happy couple lying together after lovemaking

Find her erogenous zones.

This isn't a matter of sticking your penis in her ear, or chewing her ear lobe off. Rather, a darting tongue, a light probing finger, a breathy kiss, or a gentle caress, can be a powerful aphrodisiac on all kinds of unexpected places.

These include her ear lobe and the area behind her ear, her elbow and knee creases, her upper lips, her sacrum (the triangular area just above the crease of her bottom) and so on.

Actually, it's up to you to find out where your partner's particularly sensitive places are, and then play on them for maximum arousal.

Let the sexual tension build. 

By not having sex for a few days, your arousal, desire, and urgency will increase. Then, when you do enjoy sex, the intensity will be much greater for all concerned. That's especially true if you've indulged in some erotic teasing, massage, touching and kissing in the days leading up to your lovemaking.

Stimulate her urethra.

Or, rather, the opening of it. You can massage up and down with a finger tip, gently at first and with increasing pressure as she gets aroused.

The most effective way to do this is as part of a sequence of vulval and clitoral stimulation or massage. But remember that she is prone to infection so it's a good idea if she pees after this kind of sex - or any kind of sex, actually. 

picture showing external female genitalia and the urethral meatus opening 1 clitoral hood
2 clitoral glans
3 inner labia (labia minora)
4 urethral opening
5 vaginal opening
6 perineum
7 anus


Learn how to massage her.

You don't have to be a great massage therapist. Just learn a few simple moves, suitable for releasing knots in tired muscles and easing tension from her tissues.

Touch is probably the second greatest aphrodisiac for most women (the first is seeing your desire in your eyes. Speaking of which, see below).

Keep your relationship going!

Let her know how much you desire her.

Like it or not, and many don't, it's my belief that we are all programmed to respond in certain ways to all kinds of stimulation, sexual included.

For a woman, there's a certain look in a man's eyes which can melt her internally and make her go weak at the knees. It's a look that says: I want you, I desire you, and I'm going to rip your soul apart with my masculine energy and take your body for my own.

Next time you feel your male energy in a profound way, look at your partner with true desire coming from the depths of your soul, while you hold this message in your mind: "I want you, you're mine, and I'm going to take your body and rip your soul apart with the strength of my male desire." See what happens. 

Less dramatically, you can let her know how desirable and precious she is to you in all kinds of ways. As a man, you need to understand that for a woman, small gestures may mean as much as grand ones.

To woo her, a special dinner and romantic evening out may well impress her, but what you may not be clear about is that a small gesture of caring may impress her just as much, if not more.

For men, size is everything (as if we didn't know!). But for a woman, meaning is everything, and less can often be more.

So, for example, try making an unexpected phone call from the office to tell her you're thinking of her, or leave a small gift where she'll find it during the day.

Send her flowers unexpectedly, or post a card to her (even if you're not away from home). It's this kind of thoughtful and romantic gesture which make a woman's heart sing, and which opens up her love - and thence her desire - for you.  

a successful relationship in bed depends on a successful relaitonship out of bed

Give her enough foreplay.

While the exact statistics are in dispute, one thing's for sure - most women will reach orgasm if they get enough foreplay. (We're talking about twenty minutes or more. This seems like a lifetime to many men!)

Even more surprising - many women will come through vaginal penetration if they are aroused enough when your penis enters them.

The only problem, of course, is that if she's that turned on, you're likely to be highly aroused as well, and when you enter know the rest.

Focus touch on her belly and inner thighs.

Gently rubbing the palm of your hand over her belly in a circular motion can be very erotic, and it certainly increases blood flow to her pelvis, which aids in the swelling and engorgement of her sexual tissues.

Another highly erotic movement is to circle your fingertips (maybe even your fingernails) from her knees slowly up towards her groin, building her anticipation for your touch on her vulva or labia - which you can then ever-so-subtly avoid making!

This kind of teasing anticipation will likely send a thrill through her. To tease her even more, when you do eventually touch her, make it feel like it was an "accidental" touch.

Brush against her genitals subtly, as though by accident, each time exerting more pressure and making it more deliberate, until there's no doubt of your intentions. 

Remember her clitoris is not a penis.

In other words, adapt your touch to suit her needs. You're not masturbating your own penis: you're touching her clitoris, which has twice as many nerve endings in its tiny area as does your penis.

Sensitivity is everything, at least until she is aroused, then her clitoris may desire a firmer touch.

Importance of foreplay - video


Do not leave premature ejaculation untreated

It's all too easy to fall for the notion that PE somehow doesn't matter, that a woman won't care, and besides, the temptation just to carry on ejaculating prematurely is so great that you can't be bothered.....well, nothing could be further from the truth, if only because ensuring you find a premature ejaculation treatment can show her you care for her pleasure.

It will also make sex much better for you - the longer you enjoy intercourse, the better your climax.

More sex tips for him to pleasure her! Click here!

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Other pages on the penis and sex

Penile pleasure for him (2)
Tips for him to please her (1)
Tips for him to please her (2)
The Female Sexual Organs
Penis-Vagina Sex Imaging

Other sections on the site

Penis information & penile facts
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Penile & Other Problems