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Premature Ejaculation

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statuette of woman astride a giant penisComing too quickly, premature ejaculation, call it what you will, is a horrible problem if you are even a little bit sensitive to your lover's needs.

For one thing, coming too quickly makes you feel like a useless lover; for another, no woman is likely to be satisfied with a couple of minutes of having your penis in her vagina.

After all, she probably wants your penis inside her as much as you want to have it there. 

So what causes ejaculation prematurely? After all, you might think that all men - including you - should naturally be good lovers.

You should be able to insert your penis, thrust away in your partner's vagina while you remain happy and controlled in the timing of your ejaculation. You should then end your intercourse when you want with a massive orgasm which leaves you both totally satisfied.

But, as you may have discovered, that's not the way it usually is! The excitement of sex with a new partner, or having sex with your current partner after you haven't made love for a while, or being tired or stressed, and a million other things as well, can all make you spurt too quickly - much to your annoyance, and your partner's too! 


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But whatever the circumstances in which you come too quickly, the cause is usually related to you being over-aroused and therefore over-sensitive to sexual stimulation. This can be because you're stressed before you begin to make love - and that includes being nervous - or because you just haven't leant how to control your arousal.

The problem is that when most men talk of self-control during sex, they think that there is some mysterious formula that will stop them reaching the point of climax and ejaculation too soon. The truth is different - voluntary self-control is really difficult: in fact, it's nearly impossible.

To stop yourself coming through muscular effort, you have to clamp down so hard with your pubococcygeus muscle (that's the muscle around the base of your penis and anus) that any chance of sexual pleasure disappears, and it doesn't usually work anyway - you still ejaculate, and you don't even enjoy it.

Here's what Rod Phillips has to say about premature ejaculation.

It's much better to have a good feeling for when you're getting aroused and, indeed, how aroused you're getting. That way you know how near you are to ejaculating - which in turn allows you to slow down the pace of sex in time to delay your orgasm.

Young men, who are notoriously quick comers, usually have no idea of how aroused they are, and then suddenly, before they know it, their penis is spurting uncontrollably once again!

You might well ask how easy it is to be aware of how aroused you are. The answer is that it's very easy, provided you do a few simple things.

For example, during masturbation, you can easily follows the progress of your increasing arousal - and, if you get near coming, you can stop masturbating at any point if you choose to! There's no such thing as an uncontrollable urge to ejaculate, at least not until you're right on the verge of doing so.

Before that, you have a choice - you can speed things up or slow them down by masturbating harder and faster, or more gently and slowly. And by doing so, you can spin out your masturbation for as long as you choose.

What's more, you can learn to hold yourself on the edge of ejaculation without coming, knowing just how much stimulation will keep you there and how much will tip you over the edge into orgasm.

You can use the same idea during sex to keep yourself from ejaculating too soon, though of course you are likely to be more aroused during intercourse than you are during masturbation, so the process will take longer to master.

There are many websites which tell you how to deal with premature ejaculation. I think the best of them is my own website on the subject. For one thing, it's written from my own experience: it describes how my girlfriend and I overcame my premature ejaculation.

There are many ideas around about how to cure premature ejaculation, and it's worth just mentioning a few of them. (I know them all, because I tried them all....)

First of all, wearing a condom (or even two!) doesn't work. If they're modern thin condoms your penis doesn't feel much different to being naked in her vagina. And since premature ejaculation starts in your head, not in your penis, it's your head you need to focus on to cure it, not your penis.

Second of all, distracting yourself by thinking about the price of fish, or the baseball score, does not help either. And some sex positions - see the photo of rear entry for one example - can make you come more quickly.

If you remember how the cure starts - that is, being aware of how sexually aroused you are as you make love - you can probably see that thinking about anything that distracts you from sex is not going to help your awareness; indeed, your ejaculation will be on you before you know it!

Third, getting down to sex quickly, before you've had a chance to get too aroused, may help you to last a bit longer when you're inside your partner, but it introduces a real problem into sex for your partner: she wants and needs loads of foreplay before she gets aroused and lubricated.

Forcing the pace of penetration and intercourse is likely to make sex an even worse experience for her than it already is. And if you spend time on foreplay, especially if it involves giving her oral sex, or receiving oral sex on your penis from her, you're still going to be very aroused by the time you penetrate her.

The result: yes, you've already guessed it: a quick ejaculation once again. 

You might be forgiven for thinking that you can't win any which way. But one solution is to have a look at the website I wrote (yes, that's a shameless plug for myself, but believe me, the small investment of money is well worth it to become the lover you can be!).

Another strategy is to make sure she comes every time you make love (if she wants to) by giving her lots of foreplay, stroking, kissing, oral sex and masturbation - before you even think about putting your penis into her vagina.

That's not such a bad plan anyway, even if you're not a quick comer, but until you've learnt how to control yourself, it's pretty much essential. If you use the woman on top position, you may find you can last longer in bed.

When premature ejaculation appears suddenly, later in life, it may be associated with a man's inability to keep an erection during sex. It seems that in trying to over-compensate for his erection problems, he becomes so anxious that he develops premature ejaculation. The cure here is the resolution of the erectile dysfunction.

There are, however, other causes of premature ejaculation later in life. In the simplest case, a man will have previously dealt with his tendency to come soon after vaginal penetration but it has  temporarily reappeared in response to stress or anxiety.

This is usually not difficult to deal with, provided the man does not get into a cycle of increasing anxiety.

There is another ejaculation problem which is much less common than premature ejaculation, and that is retarded ejaculation, where a man cannot ejaculate or reach orgasm during intercourse. Fortunately there are some simple treatments for retarded ejaculation.

But if the quick ejaculation doesn't go away with a little understanding and patience, there may be an undercurrent of anger and the relationship may be experiencing difficulties.

Put simply, a man who is angry may decide to be selfish and allow himself to ejaculate without bothering to control his ejaculation - that control being the mark of a mature lover, of course. 

As Eva Margolies says in her book Undressing The American Male, if you find that a lover who has previously had good ejaculatory control suddenly becomes a "quick comer", then your relationship may need a marriage counselor more than it needs a sex therapist!

Read more on premature /rapid ejaculation here.


Factors affecting the ease of a cure for premature ejaculation

Some of these are fairly obvious, some less so. For example, if a man is confident being naked with a woman, in that he has no complexes about the size of his penis, and doesn't mind her seeing him naked, he is likely to have a much firmer foundation for a cure than if he is beset by self-doubt and anxiety about his size.

Similarly, if his problem is so severe that he ejaculates when he is kissing, or when he sees his partner undressing, it's going to take more work than if he simply comes too soon during vaginal intercourse. 

Then again, men who are more sensitive to arousal and stimulation (we all have nervous systems that have different levels of sensitivity) will find it more difficult to obtain the level of control they would like. Similarly, if the problem is long-standing, control may be more difficult to achieve than if it has only recently developed.

Novel sex positions like the one in the picture are not helpful if they excite you too much and make you come more quickly.

The most serious factors likely to make a cure more difficult are underlying guilt or anxiety about sex, or the existence of other sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction. 

Finally, a man must want to overcome the problem for himself rather than for his partner - and many men do not have the motivation, being quite content to take their pleasure as they wish, justifying their actions on the grounds that "all men come quickly" or "she's not really interested in sex - and therefore it doesn't matter to her if I come quickly". 

How Do You Feel About PE?

The only way to cure premature ejaculation in the long term is to use the methods which a sex therapist would use. Basically, you learn how to slow down your body's response to sexual arousal, so that you can stay below the "point of no return" for as long as you want.

(The point of no return is the point at which you know you are going to ejaculate, regardless of what happens next - and it's a point you reach too soon when you ejaculate prematurely!)

When you have learned how to stay below the point of no return, you can literally enjoy sex for as long as you want with no danger whatever of coming too soon.

When you choose to ejaculate, you simply thrust harder and faster, taking yourself over the point of no return - and enjoy a very satisfying and pleasurable orgasm! 

See what Laci Green has to say on the subject.

Sex with good ejaculatory control is much better; much more pleasurable and much more rewarding for your partner.

To achieve this, I recommend the program that I wrote based on my own experiences curing men of PE as a sex therapist, because I know it works, long-term.

It features an attractive real-life couple who show you exactly how to use the techniques, with clear, close-up photos of all the exercises and techniques you can use to control your ejaculation. And it's easy, too: it's not a simplistic quick fix - it's a long-term, viable solution, a way of preventing premature ejaculation permanently.

Like I said elsewhere on this website, most women could reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse if only their man could last long enough. Sometimes I wonder why women put up with premature ejaculation - it can really spoil sex for a woman. Your partner wants your penis in her vagina - she loves it when you penetrate her.

(Just like you love penetrating her.) But once you're in there, she wants you in there for a good session of lovemaking - not a thirty second lovemaking race against time before ejaculation! 

Now, are you ready to go on the most exciting journey of your life - a journey to sexual fulfillment? A sexual future without premature ejaculation? If so, click here.

The Effect On The Couple

Premature ejaculation is only a problem if the couple concerned are unhappy about it. In my case, I was definitely unhappy about it.

And there's another important point - premature ejaculation is something that happens whether you want it or not: in other words, part of the definition is that you have no control over your ejaculation - you aren't able to consciously choose whether to come or not.

But Just How Can A Man Learn To Stop Premature Ejaculation? 

You may well be asking some questions: What does it mean that "you have no control over your ejaculation"? How could you ever have control over your ejaculation? Isn't it an involuntary process, one that we simply we can't control?

In fact, it's my opinion that there are actually very few men in the world who can control their ejaculation for long enough to give their female partner complete sexual satisfaction.

Indeed, I'd go so far as to say that premature ejaculation is common to almost all men, and it reduces sexual pleasure for all sexually active couples by depriving them of long-lasting intercourse and the possibility of female orgasm during intercourse, as well as more powerful orgasms for the man.

In addition, premature ejaculation has been described very clearly by www.stopprematureejaculationindays.com who observe that it can certainly reduce a man's self-esteem and self-confidence: in my experience, a man who has control of his sexual functions shows greater confidence in all areas of his life.

This might be because a happy sexual relationship leads to a fulfilling and intimate relationship in other areas, or it might be that premature ejaculation is profoundly shaming for a man who wants to please his woman in bed.

Now, having said all of that, I do recognize that there are some couples who are quite satisfied with short periods of vaginal thrusting, perhaps where the woman doesn't like long-lasting intercourse because she becomes sore.

For such couples, male ejaculation within minutes of penetration may not be a particularly big deal, but it's certainly true that even in situations such as this, sexual harmony is definitely increased when the man takes the trouble to ensure that his partner is satisfied sexually before he enters her.

Furthermore, most men don't realize that longer foreplay and intercourse leads to more powerful orgasm, and greater pleasure. So there is a very strong case for extending your sexual intercourse as best you can.

Click below to discover how you can easily get greater ejaculation control and greater pleasure in bed!

Get Complete Control Over Your Ejaculation, Develop Massive Staying Power, And Totally Satisfy Your Partner In Bed.


Other pages on the penis and sex

Best sex positions
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Fellatio - what women think
Better sex and masturbation
Pleasing a woman in bed
How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed
The penis & male pleasure
Premature ejaculation
Extended orgasm for men (1)
The senses in lovemaking
Arousal and desire
Fetish and fantasy
Libido
Sexual behavior
Intercourse with a soft penis
Men's sexual needs
The power of the penis
The nature of masculinity
Male sexual massage
Manifesting Your Reality

Other sections on the site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Penile & Other Problems