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Question: I have recently been going out with a new girlfriend and I have never had sex before.

We recently tried to have sex and everything was going fine until it came to the actual sex itself when I could no longer keep an erection! I am 20 yrs old and have never had a problem trying to keep an erection before, when I masturbate.

Most advice on the Internet for this is for men aged 30-50, so why is this happening to me? I don't want to start taking any chemicals as I don't want to rely on pills to have sex. Any advice would be most appreciated!

Answer: First time sex loss of erection is so common, and it's almost always from two causes: (1) Nervousness, about the new adventure of sex, or (2) You know deep down you don't really want to have sex with this particular person.

In the first case, you need to take things very slowly, talk it through with your girl, and laugh about it when things go wrong.....because intimacy is the key to being relaxed and confident with her.

Being honest and open is a great step too if you have never had sex before: have you told her you're a virgin? If she's a virgin too, then yes, it can be quite overpowering to make love for the first time, but with a bit of time, mutual respect, and a slow relaxed approach to it, you can get over the problem.

Why not let her give you oral sex or masturbate you before you go for intercourse itself? This will get you both used to each other's bodies....and you of course can get her to show you how she likes her clitoris to be touched, so you can give her pleasure.

Oral sex is a great way for young men to start giving pleasure to a woman, because she's very likely to reach orgasm ("come") and that makes you feel good - confident, and successful.

You can then most likely enjoy sexual intercourse without worrying about her pleasure, even if you ejaculate ("come") really quickly.

You can stay inside her after you come, if you stay hard, and continue to thrust, which she may well enjoy. Very few women reach orgasm through sexual intercourse alone, so try masturbation and oral sex.

And remember that for many women the pleasure of sexual intercourse may be more about connection with their man than fucking!

In the second case, well...I guess you know the answer!


Question: I have a question. When my penis is erect, it points a little downward and it affects some sex positions. Are there any exercises or ways to make it point straight out instead of downwards when erect?

Answer: I don't think there is a way of making your erection angle point higher up. You can see some statistics here on the angle of the erect penis: Angle of the erect penis What I would suggest is that you try some Kegel exercises to strengthen your pubococcygeus muscles. This may well help you achieve your objective!


Question: My concern is that I am in a great relationship right now with one of my best friends. I was a hypospadias baby, and I had surgery to correct it.

My girlfriend wants to have sex with me, but I am greatly discouraged by it, due to the fact that I lost about 95% sensitivity on the bottom side of my penis, and about 65% on both the left and right sides. With my penis head, I lost 25% of sensitivity, due to the extensive scar tissues from surgery.

She wants sex with a condom, but whenever I hear that word condom, it just makes me discouraged. I can barely masturbate with somewhat "normal" sensations, but with a condom, it would take me 3 hours just to get closer to climax, and my partner would be tired out, judging by past experience. What do I do?

Answer: I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Reading your email reminded me of the tribulations men with hypospadias go through just to have a normal sex life. It can be very hard indeed. I was talking to another man with the same challenge as you a week or two ago, and he had taken this approach, which I think sounds reasonable for you. Gain your girl's trust, and explain to her the problem you have with your penis sensitivity.

The likelihood is that she will be very understanding and supportive if you are open and honest with her.

In fact that step of establishing trust is in some ways the most crucial of all, because working together to find great ways of enjoying sex is a large part of building intimacy and understanding.

You don't say if penetrative sex is something you enjoy, despite the lack of feeling in your penis, but I'd like to remind you that there are many ways to pleasure your partner - oral sex and whole body massage being two of the most obvious.

If she has had an orgasm when you penetrate her, she may well simply enjoy the feeling of connection without ejaculation.

Having said that, what of your pleasure? Well, dispense with the condom and ask her to go on the pill. If she wants confirmation of your "safe" status, you may need to have a blood test to reassure her. That's not a bad thing.

Then, I would suggest anything that you can do to get highly aroused before you start the sexual intercourse will help you to come more quickly - whether that be role play, her dressing up, teasing you, oral sex on your penis, using sex toys or whatever - you know best what will arouse you.

Another idea, which may or may not appeal to you, is to have her massage your prostate with a finger, for this will increase your sexual pleasure enormously.

I know that may not appeal to all, but if you use a small amount of water to douche before sex, there is no hygiene problem. You can read about this in a very interesting book, Margot Anand's "Sexual Ecstasy, The Art of Orgasm".

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Question: I'm 23 and I suffered from a tight frenulum and after going to see a urologist, he recommended that I get an incision of the frenulum (frenuloplasty). The procedure went well and healed just fine according to my urologist.

About a month later I started noticing a little knot (I guess scar tissue) right where my foreskin meets the glans and it felt sensitive. I just assumed that it would go away eventually. When my girlfriend and I started having sex, I had no problem whatsoever retracting my foreskin, it's great, super stretchy.

But I noticed that after sex that area where I had surgery got really red and sore the next day.

So I called my urologist and he said that this was normal and that the area is super sensitive, so it would take a while.

Now it's been well over three months and after every time I have sex or masturbate the entire site where I had the incision is still painful. It's not the sex that hurts, its always after and a couple of days later.

I feel like I'm walking with sand paper in my foreskin. I have tried abstaining for a week, when I thought it was the condoms, so we tried a couple and even without and the result is always the same, soreness and pain on my penis.

It's getting to the point where I can't get aroused a second time (I can't have sex twice in one day). What should I do?

Answer: A second opinion is always useful, and if this becomes necessary in the future you should seek one without hesitation. Meanwhile I can completely understand your frustration and unhappiness about your penis, but I am inclined to think the urologist may be right, and that this may be a matter of time.

In the interim, I think something to lessen the pain may be the best way to go. Vitamin E is certainly reputed to heal scars, on the penis or anywhere else, and that might be a useful way to help your penis heal quickly - taken either by topical cream or by pills. You can find a skin cream with vitamin E in the pharmacy.

Applying a cream will also lessen friction on your penis during sex, which will help to soothe the irritation. You could also get an opinion from your regular family doctor, if the urologist won't see you until three months are up.

And I think you may have to put up with only one ejaculation at a time until your penis has healed completely; I don't like to say this, but I am sure you know it's true - the less sex you have, the quicker your cock will heal!

Would your girl be prepared to get you off with oral sex which I imagine would be less painful afterwards? You might have to do the same for her though! I hope these suggestions help.

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More sex tips for him to use on her

My penis is too large / too small
My foreskin is too tight
I can't get an erection
Urethral opening abnormal
Torn frenulum - breve
My penis is twisted
Erectile dysfunction
Penis problems solved!
Hypogonadism
Hypospadias
Peyronie's
Andropause & mid-life crisis
Chlamydia
Penile problems & injuries
Yeast Infections
Sex addiction & obsession
Sexually transmitted infections
Testosterone declines with age
Adonis Golden Ratio

Other pages on the penis and testicles

Penile & Other Problems

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Penis information & penile facts
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
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Penile & Other Problems

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