All About The Penis

Intercourse without an erect penis

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The idea may sound strange, but I guess we've all had at least one alarming episode of impotence: sometimes, after years of reliable service, one's penis suddenly refuses to get hard at the required time! 

But there is a myth here - the myth of the ever-hard and ever-ready penis. Most men probably believe that they should have an erection whenever they are in a sexual situation - and most women probably believe this too. But there's some point in a man's sexual life beyond which he's going to need physical stimulation to get an erection - and the older he gets, the less reliable his erection is going to be. (Of course any guy, no matter how young or old, may lose his erection if he's in a sexual situation where he isn't aroused or if he'd prefer to be with someone else.)

If you have a soft penis, and you want a hard one, there are lots of alternatives to deal with the situation. Firstly, you can masturbate your penis until it's erect, or your partner can do it - which is much more fun, though I'm told by some of my sex therapist friends that some women are not willing to do this for their partner. I'd question exactly what that might mean in terms of a woman's sexual attitude, but if necessary, you can always do it yourself.

Secondly, you can try non-erect intercourse. You need to use the best sex position you can for this purpose. Let me explain how it's done. Your partner will be lying on her back, with her right leg over your hips. You lie at forty-five degrees to her body on her left side, facing her. You hold your penis in your right hand and rub your glans up and down, from side to side, and all around her clitoris. You need plenty of lube on your penis and her vulva for this. 

The idea is to focus only on the sensations, not on getting an erection or becoming aroused. So you focus on what it feels like for you as your penis head rubs on her clitoris - and she focuses on what it feels like for her as your penis-head massages her sensitive tissues. Neither of you are spending any time thinking about what you should be doing, what you expect to happen, or what is happening. It's just a pleasant thing to experience!

If you do develop an erection, or a partial erection, you can insert your penis about an inch into her vagina, but the idea of non-erect intercourse is to enjoy the feeling, not go all the way to full penetration, so if you do enter her vagina, then pull out again and continue moving your penis over her vulva and clitoris, perhaps re-entering her a little way from time to time.

After five minutes of partial insertion and clitoral rubbing, you can gradually increase the amount of penetration and decrease the clitoral rubbing. If you do this for at least fifteen minutes three times a week, even if you feel bored or uninterested, you may well find that your erectile capacity increases.

However, don't expect an improvement in your erections if you simply don't want to be with your partner, for non-erect penis intercourse is not a way to extend a relationship that has passed its sell-by date. It's much more about getting sexual energy flowing and re-establishing arousal and sexual self-confidence in a man whose wilting penis has led to a cycle of negative expectations causing a failure to get erect, leading to not getting erect, and thereby confirming his belief that he won't get erect ever again.

Finally, though you may have erectile dysfunction caused by a physical problem, such as diabetes, which may make it harder to treat, all erection problems can be lessened to some extent.

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Other pages on the penis and sex

Best sex positions
Anal sex positions
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Fellatio - what women think
Better sex and masturbation
Beauty of the penis
The penis & male pleasure
Premature ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation
Sexual behavior
Sex toys
Extended orgasm for men (1)
Extended orgasm for men (2)
The senses in lovemaking
Arousal and desire
Fetish and fantasy
Male multiple orgasm
Problems with arousal
Libido
Intercourse with a soft penis
Men's sexual needs
The power of the penis
The nature of masculinity
Male sexual massage
Sex positions
More About Sex Positions
Premature /rapid ejaculation

Other sections on the site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Images & Erotica
Penile & Other Problems 

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