Penile pleasure for him! (Page 1)
(Sex tips for her to pleasure him.)
Find out how your man most likes his penis to be held and touched.
Women usually believe that a man's penis is a sensitive orgasm like a clitoris, so they don't use much pressure when they masturbate it.
But this is not usually very satisfying to a man - a penis is built for a harder grip, and he'll appreciate it if you treat it more firmly than you would your own clitoris.
The ideal way to establish what he wants, of course, is to ask him how he'd like his penis played with, and then to check with him that you're doing it right.
Having said that, there is a gentle type of masturbation move you can make on him which he'll love - a light, feathery touch with well-lubed fingers (use your saliva if nothing else is at hand), gently running all over his penis shaft, his balls and especially the head of his penis.
This can be exquisite, but at some point, if you're going to masturbate him to orgasm, he'll start making signs (like thrusting his hips, or moaning) which mean he's ready for you to switch to a harder stroke to bring him to orgasm.
Remember, too, that as he nears his ejaculation, your stimulation will be more satisfying when you focus on the head of his penis rather than anywhere else.
Play with his balls.
Because men focus so much on their penis, they and their partners often overlook the erotic potential of the scrotum and testicles.
Yet they can be the source of much pleasure, and provided they are treated gently, they will add a great deal to a guy's enjoyment of sexual play.
For example, gently roll them around between your fingers inside the skin of the scrotum; take them one at a time into your mouth when you give him oral sex on his penis; and as he gets more aroused, try squeezing them a little more firmly.
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Play with his perineum.
The area between the penis and anus tends to be ignored - just like the testicles - in favor of a man's preference for his penis to be the focus of his sexual pleasure.
And yet, just like his testicles, a man's perineum can be the route to a great deal of sexual pleasure.
You can stroke, nibble, lick or use firmer finger pressure to press on his perineum.
The latter move will stimulate his prostate gland, which lies just inside his body at this point: pressure on it in the moments before he comes will increase the intensity of his orgasm.
When he comes, stimulate his anus.
Inserting a finger into his anus or just playing around the edge of it as he starts to come will increase the intensity of his orgasm - a lot! It will also send him over the edge if you do it before he's begun to ejaculate, so you can exercise some control over both the timing and intensity of his orgasm and ejaculation.
This is one he's really going to thank you for!
This may not be news to you, but a surprising number of women have great difficulty in overcoming their inhibitions and talking dirty during sex.
However, if you can do it, you may find it has an intense effect on his arousal - and maybe yours, too. Another nice one for your man.
If you have a fixed sexual routine, making even one small change can add new excitement and thrills.
So, for example, if you usually make love with him on top, roll over so you're doing it on your sides.
If he usually has to ask for rear entry sex, unexpectedly surprise him by acting lustfully and presenting yourself, bottom up, as it were, for his delight.
If he's the one who proposes the quickie, take the initiative and assert yourself sexually from time to time.
If you've never "come on strong" to him, demanding sex on the kitchen table or the stairs, or wherever, give it a go when you are feeling horny.
Try porn. You may have an aversion to the more insalubrious kind of skin-flick, and with good reason, for much porn is pretty distasteful stuff.
But there is material out there which is sexy and safe for couples to watch together. And you may even find it gets you both aroused in a way that you've never experienced before.
Wake him up in the night for sex. But do it subtly.
Don't roll over and grab his penis! If you're aroused, press your wet hot vulva against his body and perhaps move your hips slightly. If he wakes up gradually, he'll soon get the idea.
And sex in the night after a couple of hours' sleep can be surprisingly intense, though it may be best to wait until you don't need to get up early next day!
If you're not aroused, try stroking his penis gently until he begins to respond to your stimulation.
Use lube if you need to. Most people realize that after the menopause a woman often needs extra lubrication for her vagina, but what a lot of couples don't appreciate is that even before the menopause, using artificial lubricants for intercourse can greatly enhance - or at least improve - the excitement of sex.
There are many good ones on the market: perhaps the best are Astroglide and Probe. It is also possible to get totally natural ones made from Aloe Vera (and ones made from oils and essential oils) but my experience with my partner is that these irritated her vagina and were in fact so slippery that we lost a lot of sensation.
You do need some friction, after all!
Put some lube inside the condom. Sounds outrageous, but it can make a great deal of difference to a man's experience of sex, and go a long way to overcoming the old complaint that sex with a condom causes him to lose some of the pleasure.
A word of warning, though: if you use too much lube inside a condom, it may slip off.
On the subject of condoms, another trick I have heard recommended, but never tried, is to turn a ribbed condom inside out, so the ribbed bits rub against his penis.
This apparently can provide him with extra pleasure.
Be assertive. Women are often led into and through sex by their men, yet, surprisingly enough, research shows that many men eventually resent being the partner who always initiates sex.
Yes, girls, men want you to sometimes take the lead and be sexually assertive!
If you aren't sure how to do this, start by climbing on top of him - the woman on top position can be very empowering for you, and he's sure to love it!
You can control the depth and speed of thrusting, especially if you tell him to lie still and enjoy it while you ride him! Check out sex positions here: sex positions.
Let him masturbate between your breasts. Sure, you don't want him thinking of you as a sex object, but giving your partner an unexpected pleasure with no strings attached is surely part of a loving relationship?
If he's standing, the unexpected pleasure can be letting him masturbate between your breasts: kneel in front of him and encircle his erect penis with your breasts.
Then let him thrust - you'll need some lube, like saliva. Watch the expression of ecstasy on his face when he comes, and you'll know how much pleasure this can give him - especially if it's a new act in your sexual repertoire!
Alternate shallow and deep thrusts during vaginal intercourse. He may think that deep thrusting is more sexy, and in the sense that he is likely to come quite quickly, that's true.
However, shallow thrusts will stimulate his glans and frenulum, the most sensitive bits of his penis, and they also have the advantage of tickling your G-spot.
So follow the Tantric practice of nine shallow thrusts followed by one deep one, and enjoy a different kind of sexual experience.
Tell him you how much you want him. As a woman, you probably know how much you want and need his appreciation and perhaps his approval.
But what you may be less conscious of is the need that he has to be seen as desirable and competent.
Telling him that you want him, that you find him sexy, and admiring his achievements, even if they are small ones, will make him feel powerful, male and masculine - qualities which will then emerge in his lovemaking.
Masturbate in front of him. I'm led to believe by my partner that women often have inhibitions about masturbating in front of their menfolk.
Well, I'm here to tell you that it's just about the sexiest thing you can do - he'll get so turned on that he'll be in you the moment he's invited - and he won't last long when he's there, especially if you came as you masturbated.
But don't stop there. Teach him how you like to be pleasured - and make sure he does it, particularly with his mouth and lips, before he enters you with his penis.
Giving a woman oral sex to orgasm is so stimulating for most men that even if they're not particularly turned on before they start, by the time you've come, he'll be ready to enter you, thrust and explode in a massive orgasm!
Undress in front of him. He'll like it if you undress while watching him with a tantalizing glint in your eyes, the promise of what's to come made clear.
In one survey in America, watching their partner undress came second after vaginal intercourse in a list of men's favorite sexual stimulation.
Over to you, girls, perhaps with the help of some sexy black underwear. Remember, you don't have to feel like a tart to turn him on. High quality, pretty underwear is sexy for both men and women.
Be a wanton woman for a night. Since men so often fantasize about a completely uninhibited sexual experience with a woman who knows no sexual limits, maybe you can turn a bit of his fantasy into reality.
I still have a very clear memory of the night my partner, wearing an elegant evening dress at a dinner party, whispered to me that she wasn't wearing any underwear and her vagina was dripping wet.
My penis responded instantly, and by the end of the evening I was so horny we just got through the front door before we were at it - and since then she's managed to surprise me in "different but similar" ways many times.
Ask him what he wants from you sexually. And encourage him to be honest in revealing his fantasies.
Make sure that you don't laugh, either out of embarrassment or because you think his comments are silly: if he trusts you with his innermost unspoken thoughts and feelings, they are deserving of your respect, no matter how bizarre they may seem to you.
If you want to help him act them out, then fine, but make sure that you don't do anything that offends or upsets you.
However, acting out fantasies can be immensely stimulating and exciting - and if you do decide to help him act out his fantasy, you can always ask him to help you act yours out in return. But before you start, know the limits beyond which you will not go.
Don't alienate him from the bedroom. As a woman, you may adore frills and pretty colors, but it's wise to consider the effect that an excessively feminine decorative scheme may have on your man.
The last thing you want is for him to feel that he has no place in the bedroom, that it is a feminine boudoir.
Let his penis calm down after sex. Some men find that their penis is incredibly sensitive after they have come.
If either of you wants to go for another round of sex, he may need about five minutes before his penis has desensitized enough to tolerate being stimulated again.
Don't forget his breasts are potentially as sensitive as yours. Surprising though it may seem, male and female breasts have the same number of nerve endings. It's just that his aren't used to being stimulated in the way yours are!
Gently explore his breasts, nibble his nipples, and lick his areolae. He may not feel much at first, but with increasing stimulation he'll develop increasing awareness, and his breasts will potentially be a source of great pleasure to him.
Know his sensitive bits. And I don't mean just his penis and balls! A man's focus, as you know, is often on his penis to the exclusion of everything else, but his body has just as many nerve endings as a woman's, and he can be awakened to its erotic potential rather easily.
So gentle caresses in the following areas may be a route to sexual stimulation for him: tracing a pathway on the inside or outside of his leg from just above the ankle to just below the knee; from the knee upwards to the buttocks on the back of his legs, and from the knee to his scrotum on the front of his legs; his scalp and neck; his buttocks; the inside of his arms and armpits; and, above all, his lips.
Sensitive, passionate kissing will make his sap rise more quickly than just about anything else.
Know how to kiss. A mixture of teasing, gentle lips caresses interspersed with full pressure kisses and a bit of tongue work will likely turn him on.
However, a few men (like some women) prefer kissing to involve deeper tongue work only when they are quite aroused. Generally, though, if your man is a kiss-a-holic, he'll enjoy the unexpected assertiveness and desire implicit in a bit of forceful tongue work from you.
It hints at penetration and breaks down barriers to intimacy and familiarity.
And since he is responding so visually to you, the deeper red lipsticks can be a provocative signal for him. (Desmond Morris, you may recall, suggested in his book The Naked Ape that women's facial lips mirror the vulval lips and that breast cleavage mirrors the buttock cleavage - and that these evolved as compensations for our vertical posture, which obscures the sight of the vulva and buttocks which a man would get if we still moved around on all fours. If so, deeper red lipstick suggests the engorged, red, swollen labia of sexual arousal.)
Know which sex positions work for him.
Man on top - or the missionary position - is good for body contact, kissing, and intimacy.
It also allows the woman to stroke the man's back and buttocks, allows the man to make deep thrusts, which he will really enjoy, and satisfies men who want to feel dominant and in control. Women, conversely, may feel safe and protected with their man on top.
Sadly, man on top may not be great for a premature ejaculator, because his deep hip thrusts will speed up his orgasm.
What's more, the muscular tension in his body, generated as he supports himself so his full weight does not rest on his partner, can also speed up his arrival at orgasm.
Missionary with the woman's legs closed and his legs on the outside of hers is a variation of man on top which can be useful in giving a tighter feel to her vagina, and perhaps making him come more quickly if he's having trouble reaching orgasm.
It can also be very exciting for a man when his partner wraps her legs around him, either around his calves or around his back, holding him in place as he thrusts.
A tight embrace as he comes can also reinforce feelings of connection, intimacy and pleasure. Needless to say, if a woman raises her legs so much that she presents her naked and open vulva to her man, this will really stimulate him, but it's not necessarily very comfortable for her to put her legs over his shoulders unless she's flexible and supple.
You'll probably know how much men like the doggy position - entry to your vagina from behind, perhaps with both partners on all fours, or with the woman resting her head and chin on the floor while the man kneels, or with the woman bent over a table and the man standing.
It's a raw and exciting position for many men, who are excited by seeing their penis thrusting in and out of their partner's vagina, perhaps glistening with her juices, scrotum banging against her buttocks, and giving the opportunity to bend forward, wrap around her and caress her breasts and clitoris.
Many men won't last long in this position, it's so overwhelmingly exciting for them. (But if they can, it's great for G-spot stimulation too.)
Woman on top is a real male favorite, too. Generally we think of this as the woman sitting astride facing the man, but there are some other interesting possibilities - first, with the woman facing away from him; second, a kind of reverse missionary, with the woman lying on top of him face-to-face; and third, with the woman astride but squatting rather than kneeling.
The latter position allows the woman to exquisitely rub her whole vulval and perineal region, suitably lubed, across his penis and testicles, which he is likely to find extremely arousing.
Learn to give great head. I've wondered many times, as my partner has gently used her lips and tongue to caress my penis and balls, which is better - vaginal sex or oral sex.
(In the end I always opt for the sweet richness of slowly inserting my penis into a swollen, wet vagina dripping love juice and closely encircling my penis as I slowly penetrate my partner right to my balls. Having said, that oral sex comes a very close second!)
But because of the extreme desirability of oral sex for most men, and the intense pleasure it can give, of all the things you can do for him, oral sex is the one that he is most likely to be overtly grateful for. Find out how to do it here.
Develop a tight vagina. There are many reasons to develop the muscles inside your vagina other than the simple pleasure it will give your partner.
One is that fit vaginal muscles will give you more sensations as well, and they will also act as a safeguard against urinary incontinence as you get older.
And it's not difficult to strengthen them: all you have to do are the well-known Kegel exercises which strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle running around your vagina, perineum and anus.
You can locate this by stopping your urine in mid-flow: the muscle you use to do that is the pubococcygeus or PC muscle.
And once you know the feel of the muscle, just contract and relax it as many times each day as you can.
To take this to a slightly more sophisticated level, you could use a set of vaginal balls or exercisers, available from any on-line sex shop.
He's probably going to be the first to comment on your new found vaginal fitness regime when he feels the delicious extra friction on his penis!