Why do men use the term "having sex" while women often say "making love"? Does this just mean that men and women attach different importance to intercourse? And even if some women like sex for its own sake outside a long term relationship, do women generally prefer sex to be with someone they love, whereas will men generally take it wherever they can get it? 

Something that seems to back this up is that in surveys, men claim many more sexual partners than women. Does this mean a small number of highly sexy women have sex with a lot of men, or does it just mean that men are lying? (Or does it mean that I have never been to the right clubs and bars?)

If the men are lying, could it actually be that both men and women would prefer to be in a long term commitment where their sexual and emotional needs are met? I don't know. 

One of the most exciting sexual times in my life was a relationship with a woman in her thirties who had, shall we say, an enthusiastic attitude to sex. For example, she liked porn videos, which I think is a bit unusual for a woman, and was uninhibited about sexual experiments. Although we got into bed on our second date (I'm assuming that's unusual for most relationships), she later told me this was not just because she fancied me and wanted sex, but because she trusted me as well, from the moment she saw me. And maybe that's the point - for women, there more often needs to be an emotional aspect to the connection as well as a physical one, whereas for men it just isn't as crucial in making that decision about whether or not to have sex with someone. A gay friend once said how unfair he thought it that gay men had been stereotyped as promiscuous (although of course there is a lot of truth in that assertion); he said that if there were places where straight men could have gotten sex as easily as gay men in the heyday of the sexual liberation of the seventies and eighties, pre-AIDS, there would have been a queue right around the block. 

OK, I know it's time for me to come in off the porch and stop musing like grandpa. This was supposed to be about my penis. 

My penis has been used more than average for sex, I think, and probably not enough for lovemaking. Before I became a genuine down-to-earth-straight guy I had a number of affairs with men, sometimes just for the sex, sometimes for love. Since I settled down with women my penis has mostly been used for lovemaking. This is something it likes a lot. Of course, sometimes it stands by while my fingers and tongue make love: it doesn't really mind this, though it is apt to drool a bit, like a dog waiting for a bone. 

One of the things that really surprised me was finding how turned on it makes me when my girlf reaches very high levels of arousal and wants lustful, pure sex. There is something extraordinarily arousing about seeing her desperate for the culmination of lovemaking, begging me to put my penis inside her, while I tease her by stimulating her even more with fingers and tongue. 

I suppose we all tend to think in terms of lovemaking as being a very human thing, but really, the sex act is so animalistic that it would be surprising if we did not occasionally see a connection with our driven, lustful natures. I think I am right in saying, however, that most of the time, most women are not turned on anything like they could be, and it seems to me one of the reasons for this is that men do not know how to turn them on. (I am being charitable here and assuming that it is not because men just want a quick fuck and are then satisfied.) The level of sheer primal desire that I can summon up in my girlf during sex makes it so much better for both of us - actually, that is an understatement of woeful proportions. The truth is, I cannot believe how aroused and horny I am when she turns into a sex-hungry, lustful beast - and besides adding bucket loads of intensity to our sexual experience, this level of arousal, and the release that follows our orgasms (several of them in her case!), seems to have a much more spiritual dimension than "normal" lovemaking. 

Now, are you dying to know how we achieve these incredible levels of sexual fulfillment? The answer is to spend enough time making love before the penis  goes into her vagina with simple techniques that stimulate her whole body - things like sensuous massage, but especially genital massage around her vulva, clitoris and lastly inside her vagina - especially on her G spot. This, more than any other single thing, turns a woman on more intensely than anything else. The way we do it is described on a video of sexual techniques which lead to female ejaculation, G spot stimulation, and simultaneous ejaculation by man and woman. if you buy it, I suggest you watch it with your lover, because you will both be so turned on that you won't know what hit you! New Sex Now Video!

I said above that my penis likes making love. So do I, as a matter of fact, but I do see a separation of lovemaking between me and my penis. What I mean is that I make love to my beloved in many ways: a look across the breakfast table that says "I'm glad you're here", a shared moment of intimacy, a kiss on some part of her body when we wake up snuggled more-or-less together, the murmured words "I love you" in a quiet moment, the surprise bunch of flowers, or romantic weekend away. And of course just being there for her, and doing things for her, and sharing parts of our lives. All these things convey my love, and none of them involve my penis. Funnily enough, though, there seems to be a connection between how often I do these things and how often I get to use my penis.

If you are looking for more sexual positions for your penis and the vagina in your life to try, have a look here.