All About The Penis, Men & Male Sexuality

Fellatio - oral sex on the penis

(Click here to go down the page to advice on how to do it.)

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All men like having their penis in their lover's mouth. The warmth and wetness of her mouth, the softness of her lips and tongue,  the pressure of her hand on his balls and penile shaft, all make this the second best sexual experience a penis - and its owner - can have. (The best is to be inside a vagina.)

Fellatio feels wonderful, it looks incredibly sexy to the man receiving it, and it's relaxing: it's a passive sexual experience in which a man can just lie back and take it, rather than having to initiate, lead or take the active role as he so often does during sex. 

But do women like to suck penis? That's not quite so clear. Women often say they enjoy taking their man's penis in their mouth because it gives him such pleasure. So fellatio is not, it would seem, necessarily such a sexy thing for a woman. Certainly most women would prefer not to have their man ejaculate in their mouth, and a lot of women very definitely don't like the taste or texture of semen. This doesn't mean that women will always refuse to swallow, though - once again, women will often do this to please their man. 

Is oral sex more intimate than intercourse? Is letting someone put a penis in your mouth a bigger leap of faith than taking it in your vagina? In some ways, yes, since a woman who engages in intercourse knows that her man is going to ejaculate in her - whether or not he uses a condom, that's the end point of intercourse. But most likely she would prefer oral sex to be a preliminary step, a kind of foreplay, rather than the main event which culminates in a man ejaculating  in her mouth. 

But this doesn't seem to have impressed the latest generation of teenagers - they rate oral sex as no big deal, a way to have sex but stay a virgin. Why should that be so? Most of us would see oral sex on a penis as an incredibly intimate act - the sort of act you'd have to know someone really well to do. Are young women now unable to say "no" to the pressure to have sex and compromise by giving their boyfriends fellatio? In suburban America, it seems, you can give your boyfriend head and still be a virgin - a handy interpretation of modern culture. But whatever happened to "heavy petting", masturbation of the penis or clitoris to orgasm?

Here's some advice on how to do it well. After all, his penis is too precious to risk any accidents.

The significance of fellatio

This is the ultimate sign of respect for a man. The fact that you are willing to take his penis into your mouth means more to him than you can possibly imagine. And this isn't just about the fantastic physical sensations, though many men will tell you that fellatio is almost better than intercourse (it's certainly a close run thing!) It's about the fact that you are willing to do something so intimate for him, an act that requires so much trust and love. A woman's reluctance to orally pleasure her partner can be a real source of difficulty in a relationship.

Try starting before he's erect

Why not take his soft penis into your mouth? There are several advantages to this. First, if you are intimidated by a big erect penis (or even a not-so-big-erect penis) this can be less threatening. More importantly, perhaps, if he is slow to arouse, or he needs time to get going, this particular approach is likely to be the one that gets him aroused faster than anything else. 

Don't literally give him a blow-job!

Most women know, of course, that there is no blowing in a blow job. The job to be done almost exclusively involves licking and sucking. In fact, alternating between licking and sucking is generally a good idea. Moving your tongue around in your mouth while you have his penis in there is a pretty good idea too.

Licking

If you've never had a penis in your mouth before, it can be an overwhelming experience (so I'm told). So, if you're going to lick, you might like to know in advance that the most sensitive spot is usually on his frenulum, on the underside of his penis.

Of course many circumcised men don't have a frenulum, but it's still a good place to start. Running your tongue around the rim of his glans should get him excited, and if his foreskin is loose, pushing the tip of your tongue between his glans and foreskin will be very exciting for him. Perhaps the most exciting way of using your tongue is to lick and flick it gently across and around his glans while you hold his penis in your warm, wet mouth.

You can also use your hand on the base of his shaft to control how far his penis enters your mouth.

Sucking

The most sensitive spot for sucking is the head of a man's penis; sucking and licking this area can work wonders. Of course, sucking can also involve a deeper enveloping of a man's penis with your mouth. This deeper method feels good along the shaft of the penis, and the pressure of the back of the mouth feels extremely good on the sensitive glans.

When combined with a sucking action, this is the closest, some men swear, that they come to experiencing heaven on earth. As women become more experienced, they can often take their partner deeper into their mouth and even into their throat. This requires quite a bit of practice, and it is generally best if the woman controls the rhythm and depth of penetration.

How to avoid gagging

Many women worry that they will gag if they take their partner deep into their mouth or throat. One way to avoid this is to place your hands around the base of his penis, so that he simply cannot push too far into your mouth. As you gain more experience, you may wish to try taking him deeper into your mouth: he will be very happy about this, for the feelings produced by the pressure of his glans on the back of your throat are wonderful. If you really want to deep throat him, there are various ways you can learn to overcome your gag reflex. In terms of your issues with gagging during oral sex, there is something you can work on, which is learning to raise your soft palate. When you yawn, your soft palate goes up automatically, so the next few times you yawn, pay attention to the sensations in your mouth in terms of the back of your throat. Often, if you press the base of your tongue down and flatter to the bottom of your mouth (as you likely know, it's a muscle, you don't need anything in there to move it), and the tip of your tongue towards your teeth, you can raise your soft palate intentionally.

To maintain the greatest control of how deep he can thrust - and it is likely he will want to thrust into your mouth, because that feels best for him - you can keep your hands around the base of his penis or have him lie on his back as you kneel over him: that way you will be better able to control the depth of penetration.

Lips and teeth

Don't ever bite his penis! And avoid rubbing the skin of his shaft with your teeth as the penile skin is easily torn. The best way to keep his penis safe is to keep your lips over your teeth as you move up and down his shaft or as he thrusts in and out of your mouth.

Spit or swallow?

There's no need to agonize over this issue. It's simply a matter of personal choice. You might want to swallow for his greater pleasure, though it doesn't matter to all men, so establish what he would like and don't assume you know without asking him! You might want to take his semen into your mouth and discretely spit it out afterwards, or you may want to move his penis out of your mouth and masturbate him to orgasm so that his semen does not enter your mouth at all.

My own partner does not want semen in her mouth, and, though I have to admit I would like her to swallow, it's not a big issue between us. She tells me it's not the taste that bothers her, which is what seems to put off most women, but the texture she has an aversion to. Oh well. By the way, the taste of men's semen varies according to the time of the month (really) and what they've recently eaten.

A few other words about oral sex

It's a complete myth that oral sex is so hot for a man that he's going to burst into an ejaculation without fail. The truth is that some men can't come through oral sex because there isn't enough stimulation on their glans to promote an orgasm. Equally, some men find it extremely arousing, and some merely find it very pleasurable.

Having said, that, I think one of the best orgasms of my life was with a previous partner who took me to orgasm through superb oral sex and kept on stimulating me with her mouth as I came, swallowing each spurt of semen as I ejaculated. Remember, girls, that for your man, oral sex is the ultimate sign of acceptance. He'll probably be most upset if you won't take his penis in your mouth - even if he says he's fine about it.

Sucking

You can only suck on the first inch or two of a man's penis (once it's further into your mouth, you lose suction - if you don't believe this, try it and see!), but you may give him some very delightful sensations during oral sex if you do this for him. Warning: some men do not like the feeling of strong suction on their penis. So start out gently and increase the suction if he seems to like it.

Throat contractions

This is a delightful thing to do before a man is fully erect - though it won't be long before he is as hard as a rock! Take his soft penis as far into your mouth as you can and then make a swallowing movement. Repeat as often as necessary until he becomes fully erect and hard. Interestingly, he may well find there is a lot more sensation when you do this on his flaccid penis rather than when it is erect.

Use your tongue

When you start oral sex, but before his penis is in your mouth, run your tongue up the shaft of his penis, gently over his glans and down the other side. Use both sides of your tongue, and for a special erotic thrill, stare directly into his eyes as you do this, with a knowing expression of smoldering feminine power.

When you take him in your mouth, ensure your tongue is moving constantly, whether he is thrusting or not or your head is moving up and down his penile shaft or not. The movement of your tongue around his shaft and glans will make sure that he has a glorious oral sex experience.

Even if you already use your tongue on his penis, you may never have thought of using it to stimulate his testicles and scrotum. If you lick and kiss his scrotum, he's almost certain to find it a thrilling and arousing experience - especially if you do it while he stands in front of you. If you don't like the dominance/submission implicit in this posture, have him lie on the bed and get in the same position that he would lie in if he gave you cunnilingus. Then, lick all over, starting from his perineum, under his scrotum, across his scrotum, up, around, jiggling his balls as you go (careful! they are sensitive!) and then continue up his penis to his glans, then repeat the movements in reverse order all the way down. 

Use some heat!

Take a sip of hot tea or coffee and swirl it around your mouth before you start oral sex. The different sensations will get him excited! 

Get that rhythm right

One of the problems with instruction manuals like this is that they can make you think all men like the same things. This isn't true - some men will like you to fellate them quickly, some will prefer a slow rhythm, and some men will prefer slow movements of your mouth one day and faster movements the next. You can try different movements and see what he likes, or you can ask him how it feels!

Let him come in your mouth (maybe)

The chances are high that he very much wants to come in your mouth (and probably see you swallow his semen with an expression of ecstasy on your face). Men, being men, are reluctant to admit this fact and hide their desire under assurances that "it really doesn't matter." If you can take his semen in his mouth as he comes, and swallow it, this will add more to his sexual pleasure than you can imagine.

If you don't want to taste his semen, try letting him come over your breasts - he's likely to enjoy that. Another thing he's likely to adore if you're into it is for him to withdraw from your mouth at the last moment and come on your lips and face - if you try this, make sure that you close your eyes so you don't get a spurt of semen across your eyeballs - this can be extremely painful.

Oral sex positions - advice for men and women

There are several sexual positions which are best for fellatio. For a man's partner, kneeling between his legs is one way to approach his penis with her mouth: another is to shift down the bed so that her head is level with his penis and then lie on her side with her head on a pillow, so she can either masturbate him with her hand or use her mouth to pleasure him as she chooses.

In either position she can use whatever techniques you both find most pleasurable, including licking the shaft of your penis, taking your glans or shaft into her mouth or throat, moving her head up and down on your erection, or any combination of these moves. A good combination is for her to use her lips and tongue on the head of your penis, while simultaneously using one hand to grip your shaft and the other hand to massage your testicles and grip the root of your penis where it emerges from your body underneath your scrotum.

Another effective and highly pleasurable technique is for your partner to "ring" your scrotum with her finger and thumb and tug gently downwards while continuing to masturbate your penile shaft with one hand and pleasure your glans with her mouth. 

Remember that most women prefer more gentle stimulation than men, so she may not be applying enough pressure to fully please you. If so, you need to ask - or show - her the correct level of pressure, the amount of stimulation that will produce the degree of erection and arousal you desire.

It's also worth remembering that oral stimulation alone may not be enough to fully arouse you, no matter how pleasurable it feels, and that a combination of hand and mouth, either alternately or simultaneously, may be needed to get you to a point where you can maintain a rigid erection and a high level of arousal for long periods of time.  

As a rule of thumb: to stimulate erection and arousal, ask your partner to make more vigorous hands movements with her fingers more tightly encircling your shaft, or to increase the suction in her mouth (ensuring her lips cover her teeth, so there is no damage to the delicate skin of your penis!) With oral sex, rapid up-and-down movements of her head may be helpful in producing greater arousal. If she doesn't like deep-throating, she can keep the penetration into her mouth shallow while using her hand as a sort of mouth "extension" to give you maximum stimulation.

Once you are aroused and nearing ejaculation, she can lessen the intensity of stimulation: this will sustain arousal without encouraging ejaculation.

Play with his anus as he comes

If this page is all about increasing a man's pleasure during oral sex, then a good way to do it is to give him head while you kneel in front of him as he sits or stands. When he nears orgasm, tug gently on his balls with one hand and then insert a well-lubed finger into his anus and wiggle it about, or if you don't want to do that, press on his anal sphincter or massage it vigorously. This is likely to increase the intensity of his orgasm significantly.

Lastly, men greatly appreciate oral sex, both receiving it and giving it to you. Indeed, cunnilingus is extremely arousing for most men. But if you're pleasuring him and he's not giving it to you in return, you might want to negotiate some oral pleasure for yourself. Just tell him straight what you want from him. That's the best way to get anything from a man! Pouting, sulking and dropping hints are not, believe me, good strategies!

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Other pages on the penis and sex

Best sex positions
Anal sex positions
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Fellatio - what women think
Better sex and masturbation
Beauty of the penis
The penis & male pleasure
Premature ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation
Sexual behavior
Sex toys
Extended orgasm for men (1)
Extended orgasm for men (2)
The senses in lovemaking
Arousal and desire
Fetish and fantasy
Male multiple orgasm
Problems with arousal
Libido
Intercourse with a soft penis
Men's sexual needs
The power of the penis
The nature of masculinity
Male sexual massage
Sex positions
More About Sex Positions
Premature /rapid ejaculation

Other sections on the site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Images & Erotica
Penile & Other Problems 

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