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The end of rapid ejaculation

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Premature ejaculation behavioral therapy

Oh no! Here we go again... according to the report on the above link, behavioral treatments for premature ejaculation don't work. This conclusion was drawn from a review of four previous studies of over 250 men who had premature ejaculation, and who had undergone behavioral therapy. Despite anecdotal evidence that this was a good treatment for PE, the review of the studies found no evidence to support its success as a treatment methodology for this condition.

As the reviewers observed, behavioral therapy is supposed to encourage new patterns of behavior or "sexual management", thereby meaning that, for example, a man who's been avoiding sex because of the shame associated with his rapid ejaculation may no longer do so, or perhaps that a man and woman who have been unwilling to discuss the issue can now do so frank and open way.

Well, let me ask you a question. Don't you think it's obvious that a man who's wrapped up in anxiety and shame about premature ejaculation need some different behavioral techniques to unwrap his emotional conflict?

Of course he does! Psychological issues are extremely important in the treatment of premature ejaculation and in helping a man to last longer in bed. Of course, they are not sufficient on their own. But to conclude, as these researchers did, that medication like Paxil and Zoloft are required to control premature ejaculation is absurd. These are mind altering drugs which are designed to inhibit the uptake of serotonin in the brain, and to be used as antidepressants. Prescribing such a heavy-duty medication for conditions like premature ejaculation goes against natural good sense and probably also against medical ethics too -- at least in countries not in the grip of the pharmaceutical industry's power.

Obviously the pharmaceutical companies would dearly love to have a  prescription drug for premature ejaculation since at least 40% of men cannot control when they ejaculate during sex. The fact that the FDA has not seen fit to license these drugs for premature ejaculation speaks volumes to me.

The reality is that premature ejaculation is a serious sexual and emotional problem for men. It causes sexual self-confidence to disintegrate and can even inhibit the formation of relationships and impede the development of existing relationships. And in almost every case, psychological factors are the cause of premature ejaculation.

Now admittedly, behavioral treatments may not address emotional issues around sex. But there are plenty of training methods founded on co-operation between the partners which enable a man to last longer in bed easily. It's certainly true that he has to get over his shame, anxiety, or guilt around sex, and certainly also his fear or anger towards women.

These may not be specifically behavioral treatments in the true sense of that expression, as in cognitive behavioral therapy, but they are certainly psychosocial and emotional therapies.

There's an expression which you may have heard -- the penis never lies. When a man comes to me suffering from premature ejaculation, my first inquiry will always be about the nature of his relationship with his partner and his relationship with women in general. My second inquiry will be about his relationship with sex itself.

Very often, a man who comes too quickly has a massive amount of guilt and repressed material which is contributing to his rapid ejaculation. Meanwhile, researchers who are funded by drug companies promote articles suggest that drugs are necessary to control premature ejaculation.

There are many other many other ways of looking at this issue. Dr. Stanley Althof, of The Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, makes the observation that psychotherapy helps the majority of men with premature ejaculation. He also says that research needs to move on, and become more rigorous and relevant to the needs of men in society today.

What you certainly see if you look on the Internet forums where premature ejaculation is discussed a lot of confusion about the sexual politics behind it. All of the discussion on the Internet is framed in terms of issues such as "is it a nuisance, do women like long-lasting sex, is a man able to go again if he comes too soon, what does it mean if he comes before he has even entered you" and so on.

What you don't see is any intelligent discussion about why premature ejaculation might be happening. My own view, as I've outlined above, is that it's more about emotional issues than anything else, but be aware that the patriarchal nature of society, which is probably a response to men's fear of women (in the sense that what you fear you seek to dominate), also probably has a lot to do with premature ejaculation.

The number one intimate connection with another person is having sex with them (or at least it can be). But if you fear intimacy with women at some deep level, then you're naturally going to subconsciously make sex as quick and short as possible -- hence premature ejaculation.

An interesting article at queendom challenges the assumptions that men tend to make about premature ejaculation.

The author starts by making the clear statement that it is more natural for men to come quickly than it is for them to last a long time during sex. It's also common for men and women to assume that this somehow unacceptable. The average duration of sexual thrusting, however, is around 3 to 4 minutes before ejaculation, and therefore it's questionable whether or not ejaculation within this timescale can be defined as premature -- being a longer lasting lover begins to look much more like  training oneself to last longer than is inherently natural. However, it's certainly unacceptable for a man to ejaculate before or within a few moments of penetration.

Knowing that a woman will very rarely reach orgasm during intercourse can certainly help men who believe that they should be able to bring  a woman to orgasm during intercourse get more realism around sex: false expectations have always influenced our view of men's sexual performance in bed.

The author describes a situation where a couple have an evening of hot sensual romantic stimulation, including kissing and oral sex, which eventually culminates in thirty seconds of intercourse before the man ejaculates massively and very satisfyingly. The question he poses is: who would regard this as a dysfunction for either partner?

And I would add the question: is this behavioral pattern that needs to be changed at all? I think the answer is probably "yes", because women do enjoy longer lasting intercourse from time to time, particularly when motivated by a desire to feel stimulation of the man's erect penis on the G- Spot.

As the author of this piece observes, it's important for women to help a man who has premature ejaculation by encouraging him to relax and loosen up, both mentally and physically, around sex. This is absolutely critical: for inhibition around sex causes premature ejaculation.

A number of peripheral factors don't help, either, such as the rush to intercourse, which is based on a deep belief in a man's mind that sex is a scarce commodity. Obviously this is not true if you're in a relationship with somebody -- or at least it shouldn't be.

All in all there are many things you can do to enhance your chances of lasting longer during sex. It's important get good advice, and it's important to deal with the emotional issues, but given determination, there's no reason why you couldn't become a man who can last every time he has sex for 10 or 15 minutes if you are motivated to do so. This is a place where you can get excellent information on how to stop premature ejaculation and I recommend it highly.