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Dealing with retarded ejaculation (1)

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There are all kinds of problems involving ejaculation: some men produce semen but it only dribbles out; some men experience orgasm without ejaculation; some men can only ejaculate in certain situations; and some men can't ejaculate at all, or at least only with great difficulty. I'll call this last condition retarded ejaculation.

There is also a peculiar condition in which a man has an ejaculation without an orgasm: this is also known as "numb come" because he feels nothing.

Before we look at some of these male issues, let's first get an idea of how ejaculation generally works. It's a two part process. The first part is the emission phase, where semen moves from the prostate gland and seminal vesicles into the base of the penis.

This is the "point of no return" after which ejaculation in inevitable.

The second stage is the expulsion phase, which consists of rhythmic contractions and pulsations as the muscles around the base of the penis pump the semen out of the glans penis and into the outside world (or some other receptacle!). 

By the way, ejaculation is not the same as orgasm, and they can occur independently. Orgasm is a highly pleasurable series of muscular pulses and contractions, with some energy flow around the body, which men may experience physically and/or emotionally.

Similarly, emission and expulsion, the two phases of ejaculation, are separate processes controlled by separate nerve centers, and they can also occur independently of each other. Often when semen just dribbles out, for example, the emission phase has occurred but the expulsion phase has not.

The best way to have powerful, forceful ejaculations is to develop strong PC muscles and to produce loads of seminal fluid.

The good news is you can influence both these processes. To develop strong PC muscles you need to get into a routine of exercising them. This isn't so hard, as you can identify them by stopping your piss in mid-flow or by twitching your penis when it's erect.

You'll soon learn which muscles are the ones to develop - they are the same ones that pump out your semen. So, if you flex and relax them three times a day with thirty flexes in each session, they will rapidly increase in strength.

It's true to say you can't have too powerful a set of PC muscles - the stronger they are, the more you will enjoy your ejaculation and orgasm, and the more your semen will spurt out.

The process is also helped if you have a lot of seminal fluid to ejaculate. You can increase the volume by leaving more time between your ejaculations, or, if you don't want to do this, spending a longer time getting aroused and erect before you come.

In short, the longer you spend on foreplay, the more you will ejaculate when you come, and the better your orgasm will be.  

The causes of non-ejaculation can be both physical and emotional. So can changes in the power and force of a man's ejaculation.

Age is a factor here, because to a greater or lesser degree older men may lose the urge to ejaculate. This is caused by a lowering of sexual desire, which in turn probably results from the lower testosterone levels that come with increasing age.

 In addition, fewer ejaculations make the muscles of the ejaculatory system weaker and their less powerful contractions may then make a man's orgasm feel less powerful and satisfying.

Older men can choose to make love without ejaculating every time. This can still be a very satisfying experience for him, and it can be even more satisfying for his partner if she is able to enjoy his prolonged vaginal thrusting, thereby gaining greater pleasure and satisfaction from sex than when her man ejaculated quickly. 

Sometimes the cause of retarded ejaculation is physical. Urethritis and prostatitis can both affect the mechanisms of ejaculation or orgasm, sometimes making them so painful that men inhibit their ejaculations. And various drugs can inhibit ejaculation. 

Often the problem is emotional. Stress can be a significant cause of non-ejaculation, as can any emotion that inhibits a man from letting himself go and enjoying sex freely.

This usually means fear, guilt or anger, of course, so things like a fundamental religious background, or unexpressed anger at a lover, are fairly typical and common issues in cases of difficult or non-ejaculation.

If you're a man with a retarded ejaculation problem, resolving the problem will probably begin with a physical examination at the doctor's surgery. If there are no physical issues, the next step is think about your relationship.

Is sex a problem in any way? For example, deep down, a man who doesn't come may simply wish he was with another partner, may feel angry towards his lover, or may wish that he wasn't "forced" to "perform" sexually when he didn't want to do so. Clearly, developing the ability to say "No" to the demands of his partner might be a step in the right direction for a man in this situation!

Sometimes a lover may not be providing enough of the right kind of stimulation needed for a man to come. This may be a matter for negotiation or discussion between the partners.

 If the difficulties come from the sexual inhibitions or unwillingness of one of the partners, there may be profound issues which are incapable of resolution, but it's probably worth trying to sort things out by communication before finding another partner - unless you feel your relationship really has gone so far past the point of recovery that you don't even want to try.

Sometimes, for example if there are physical issues affecting the pleasure and ease of sexual intercourse, the solution may be a simple matter like using a vaginal lubricant.

The classic advice for a man who can ejaculate in certain specific situations but not with his lover is to try and gradually extend the range of situations where he can make it.

He can practice new ways of masturbating, perhaps using new situations or new ways of getting stimulation, such as using lube to masturbate on or between her breasts or thighs, as a prelude to ejaculation inside her vagina.

It follows, of course, that if the problem is actually with their relationship and his feelings towards his partner, this is not likely to help matters much! And the use of fantasy can often be helpful in getting a man to his orgasm and ejaculation more quickly.

Another cause of retarded ejaculation is penile insensitivity. This may surprise you, but circumcision can cut away many of the sensitive nerve endings which promote sexual excitement and the ejaculation reflex. If you think this might be a factor for you, then have a look at the personal account of how one guy cured his non-ejaculation by increasing his penis's sensitivity at The-penis.com

Go here for more specific treatment approaches for the inability to orgasm with a partner and without a partner.

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Other pages on the penis and testicles

Penis size
Penis variations in pictures
Penis enlarging/ body mod
Circumcision
Foreskin restoration
The effects of circumcision
Arousal and erection
More on erections
Ejaculation and orgasm
The testicles and scrotum
Masturbation
Condoms and contraception
The prostate gland
The penis and peeing
Wet dreams
Ejaculation problems
The life history of a sperm
Pre-ejaculatory fluid precum
Boys and puberty
Night-time erections
Penile pain
Penile questions
Avoiding The Mid Life Crisis

Other sections on the site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Penile & Other Problems

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