This section is All About The Penis, Men & Male Sexuality, masculinity and how the penis features in sexual relationships.
You might think this is an odd thing to say - surely, it doesn't "feature" in sex - after all, the penis is a vital part of sex! Well, yes, and think how many different aspects there are to the involvement of the penis in our sexual relationships.
If it works well, giving you and your partner the greatest pleasure, there's the mechanism of arousal to think about - the male sexual response cycle, which starts with your penis getting erect and ends with your penis ejaculating into, on or over your partner. (Or yourself, if you're stimulating your penis by hand.)
This in itself raises a whole host of interesting questions. Does intercourse with a circumcised penis feel different to a woman than intercourse with an uncircumcised penis? Does a small penis feel different to a large penis? Does a small penis confer any advantages, for example, during fellatio? Hint: Yes, it does! Is a large penis a disadvantage during intercourse? Hint: Yes, it is!
Then again, there's the whole issue of sexually transmitted infections to consider. Chlamydia is the most common STI these days, and it can remain symptom-free in men, living in the urinary tract of the penis and possibly causing infertility.
Assuming that the thought of an infection doesn't scare you off sex altogether, you might wish to think about what women want from sex, or indeed what men want from sex. Why do some men find it exciting to engage in penile modification, or fun to use sex toys, while others seem to have no attraction to these things whatsoever?
Then there are lots of problems which arise once you are sexually active. For example, you may have little ejaculatory control, and want to last longer during sex; conversely, some men can engage in penile thrusting for extended periods during intercourse without reaching orgasm or being able to ejaculate. This unhappy state of affairs is known as delayed ejaculation.
If you find you're ejaculating far too soon for your liking during sex, you may think that this seems incredible, but it's far from funny for the men who experience that condition. Imagine thrusting your penis in a willing partner's warm, wet vagina for as long as you like and not being able to ejaculate. How frustrating can you imagine that would be? What can such a condition mean?
Of course, there are other circumstances which can be even more distressing for a man, such as when his penis will not even develop an erection. This is called erectile dysfunction, and it happens to most men at some point in their lives - and the first time it happens is usually quite shocking. Your penis, up to that point entirely reliable, suddenly refuses to get erect. What on earth do you do then?
Then, there are lots of questions about why you like to do what you do. In other words, what determines your sexual behavior? How does that compare with what others are doing?
Supposing that all is going well, you have no especial problems with your penis, it is functioning well during sex and masturbation, is that the end of the matter? Hardly, for then your objective might be to get even more pleasure from your penis, by finding ways to add some interesting techniques to your sexual repertoire. If fellatio is of interest to you, we have two pages of tips and tricks which your partner can use on your penis to give you greater pleasure. If you'd like to learn about some advanced techniques to use in bed, then we also have information on how they can help you develop greater pleasure from your penis and all the fun things you can do with it!
Most Popular Penile Pages & Links In This Section
Orgasms seem to be, generally speaking, much more important to men than to women! Most men continue to enjoy masturbation or some kind of sexual activity until old age finally stops them. It's almost as if we men are in love with our penises!
Women may not understand that men (well, most men, anyway) want to have their orgasms and ejaculate when their penis is inside a woman. Yes, in the absence of a willing woman, masturbation will suffice, but most men want to thrust their penis in a woman's mouth or vagina and ejaculate insider her, or, failing that, rub their penis on her body and ejaculate onto her!
Once a man has penetrated a woman with his penis and ejaculated he may feel fulfilled in a way that comes from having done what we are biologically designed to do as men.
This biological desire to ejaculate inside a woman explains why vaginal and oral sex is so popular. In other words, men are biologically driven to put their penis inside a woman - and you thought it was just because it feels good!
And the urge to ejaculate inside a woman often manifests as a desire for vaginal intercourse or fellatio. In a recent survey, about one man in three said that their most recent sexual episode involved oral sex. And over two thirds of men have received oral sex from a woman at some point in their lives; most men want their partner to swallow the semen when they have oral sex.
Although men seem to be obsessed with their penises and what they can do with them, one third of men said in a recent survey that they could enjoy sex without reaching orgasm. This surprises me, because I feel a great deal of self-restraint is required not to succumb to the powerful male urge to thrust and ejaculate. I believe that this is possible, but I think you have to learn how to enjoy develop the exchange of energy between penis and vagina - a Tantric technique. Still, the survey results do seem to show that men can relinquish their desire for orgasm at least on occasion.
Apart from the pleasure of being fulfilled as a man after inserting your penis into a vagina, thrusting and ejaculating, you may also feel a sense of intimacy and love linked to orgasm and ejaculation. All of these wonderful feelings generated by your penis are ultimately caused by your ejaculation. The first part of this process is the emission of semen into the bulb inside the base of the penis. The next sensation, the pure physical pleasure of your muscles pumping semen out of your penis and into your partner's vagina (or whatever!) is caused by contraction of the muscles around the base of your penis, as well as the muscles round your anus and prostate. It's not easy to compare the experience with other men's, but if you ask men to describe how it feels in their penis and body as they ejaculate, the way they speak of orgasm is similar: tension, release and explosion are words that come up again and again.
Since thrusting, orgasm and ejaculation are so important, it's no surprise that men are anxious and depressed when something goes wrong. Whether that is loss of erection, your penis not getting hard, not being able to ejaculate during sex, or ejaculating too quickly, the effect on a man's self-esteem is profound. Go here if you can't get an erection and here if you have premature ejaculation and wish to last longer during sex.
In general, we have found it is a good idea to know what you want from sex before you start. Do you just want a quickie? Do you feel it more important that your partner should have an orgasm fist? If you want to make sex last a long time, don't thrust much, and stop her from doing so, and don't let her squeeze your penis with her vaginal muscles if you're near orgasm. When you feel you're approaching orgasm, withdraw your penis and let your arousal drop before you penetrate her with your penis once more: repeat this as necessary. If you thrust hard you'll most likely ejaculate quite quickly. If she excites you by shouting "make love my hot wet vagina", that's not likely to help much either!
How to improve the quality of your orgasms
Find a partner who enjoys what you enjoy, and whom you love, trust and respect: the best orgasms are experienced in loving relationships.
Get fit: improve your aerobic fitness and your muscular strength.
Improve the strength of your pubococcygeus muscle.
Lose weight: the reduction in fat makes your testosterone more effective at keeping you sexually active. This will keep your penis active.
Don't smoke, since smoking can reduce the size of the small blood vessels carrying blood to your penis.
Be romantic and can keep passion burning brightly after you've got her into bed!
Extend sex: the longer the foreplay, the better the orgasm.
Organize special occasions like a weekend break or a romantic candle-lit supper to keep romance alive.
Learn plenty of sexual techniques and try new positions.
Communicate: for her, making love is more important than the mechanics of penile penetration and orgasm. For you, the orgasm may be more important than the romance, but to have the best orgasms she needs to be turned on. Since nothing is more exciting than making love to an aroused woman it's worth taking the time and trouble to romance her. She will want to make sex good for you, but you have to respect her needs ands wishes.
Massage is good for establishing emotional and physical connection between you and your partner, and it will turn you both on.
If you want your partner to masturbate you more, whether all the way to orgasm or not, and if you'd like more oral sex, ask for it! If she isn't sure how to do it, suggest she reads the advice pages on this site. Don't go all the way to orgasm on each occasion of oral sex - use it as a prelude to full intercourse.
Enjoy sex toys, sexy books, films, clothing, role play and fantasy; learn where those erogenous zones are! For men: inner thighs, scrotum, perineum, behind his ears, nipples, knees, prostate, between his buttocks, around his anus (and many more besides). For women: vulva, clitoris, anus, buttocks, breasts, belly, neck, shoulders - oh, actually, everywhere, as you'll find if you spend enough time stimulating her skin.
Lastly: make a noise during orgasm!