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In no particular order here are a few things that my beloved and I have found to add a certain extra something to sex. Note
1 Extended orgasm
After sex one day I found myself still hard after I had ejaculated, and, without withdrawing my penis, I carried on thrusting. Imagine my delight when I discovered that this led me to another orgasm - without ejaculation - at least as intense, and certainly longer lasting, than the first one!
Here's what happened: I was very aroused to start with, so I thought I was likely to come quite quickly. However, since my girlfriend prefers me to last longer, rather than go for a quickie, I thought I'd allow my arousal to drop by keeping quite still for a few minutes.
I know that the nearer I get to ejaculating before I stop moving my penis, the longer I can subsequently go on for before I get near to coming again. However, this time, I got so close to ejaculating that I could feel the muscles at the base of my penis fluttering as they prepared to shoot the semen out of my penis - indeed, a little spurt probably did make its way out. In short, I was about as close to ejaculating as you can get without actually doing so.
We lay still until things had quietened down: then, when I was much less aroused, we had a very pleasant session of lovemaking, which culminated in a powerful orgasm and ejaculation (for me). Here's the discovery, though: afterwards, my penis was still hard - and because it felt good, I carried on thrusting.
And then came the surprise: those brief feelings of intense, almost unpleasantly intense, sensation on my glans gave way very quickly to another powerful orgasm - longer and more "whole body centered" than the first one, and with no ejaculation of semen.
It's a technique we have used many times since, and it usually results in my beloved having a vaginal or G spot orgasm at the same time that I have my second orgasm. I would say the second orgasm is much more about energy flow than ejaculation, and it seems to involve my whole body, not just my penis.
2 Let her massage your prostate
Now, I know that this next idea may not appeal to all of you out there, but I urge you to try it at least once. Your prostate is a very sensitive organ, a major junction of sexual nerves, and you can increase your sensation considerably if you allow your partner inside your rectum to massage it.
Well, at least allow her finger inside you. She can do this easily with lots of lube, with or without a latex glove, as you see fit. With a good wash beforehand it isn't at all unpleasant.
If she puts her finger in gently, and you relax as she does so, she'll be inside you before you know it. And then you have a whole variety of new sensations ahead of you. Basically, what she is aiming to do is to massage your prostate through the wall of your rectum just inside your anal canal, on the front or upper surface.
She'll be able to feel your prostate as a walnut-sized lump through the wall of your rectum: she can massage it gently with her fingertip in long slow strokes.
I guess each guy will have a different experience: suffice it to say that the experience is wholly delightful, with or without an erection, but it is better when you are sexually aroused. If you can persuade your partner to massage it while she masturbates you until you ejaculate, the intensity of your orgasm and ejaculation will be increased many times over.
Furthermore, if you use this as a way to practice extending the time before you ejaculate, it can also be a useful tool for helping you to last longer in bed - in other words, for controlling premature ejaculation. For men who have a tendency to ejaculate quickly, this can be very useful in gaining greater sexual skills.
3 Give her what she wants during sex - not just a quick fuck!
What she generally wants, of course, is long slow romance, loving foreplay, and sexual play that leads slowly towards a big orgasm - but without any pressure on her to come.
She also wants you to understand that she may not have an orgasm, and that it doesn't really matter if she fails to get there. This way, she doesn't worry about thinking she has let you down, or that your pride is injured if you can't make her come. Oh, and did I mention that she needs plenty of time to work up to orgasm?
Meanwhile, you just want a quick fuck. What to do?
The answer is to make sex a three part affair. On the occasions when you are not just going to have a quickie, try something like this. Start by getting aroused. Let her rub, suck, tease, kiss and nibble you - whatever turns you on. And as she does so, touch, rub, kiss, stroke and undress her. The idea is for you, the man, to get aroused - but you stop before you reach orgasm. When you are aroused and your passion is high, you then switch into the second phase - now the focus becomes your partner and her arousal.
Gently stroking the non-erogenous parts of her body will awaken her desire to be touched on her erogenous zones. But to go straight to her erogenous zones will not arouse her, and may even inhibit her arousal. And if you touch her clitoris before she is sufficiently aroused it will definitely not be a pleasant experience for her. She will quickly tell you to back off, yet, when she is aroused, you can touch or lick the glans of her clitoris fairly firmly and she will raise her hips to you in a gesture of desire!
It can be confusing for a man, who wants his penis touched straight away in sex, to appreciate these subtle differences. This basically means that when she's aroused enough, you work her up towards her orgasm in whatever way she wants - with your fingers, lips, tongue or penis rubbing her clitoris, breasts, nipples, vulva and any other part of her body.
As she becomes more aroused, it is helpful to build up her arousal in stages - get her almost to the brink of orgasm and then to pause for a moment. The more you you do this, while overall still building her arousal, the bigger and more satisfying her orgasm will be when it comes. You may already have experienced this in your love life.
Remember that this stage of sex is for her satisfaction, not yours, so if you get aroused you need to control yourself. What's more, if she starts to take control and begins to start turning you on so that your arousal rapidly increases, the process won't work.
You need to be fully focused on her pleasure, not the other way around. Her sexual reactions should be a response to you, rather than an attempt to arouse you. And remember also that although you can become aroused and come very quickly, she needs about ten times as long - twenty to thirty minutes of stimulation - to reach orgasm. Needless to say, for men who suffer from premature ejaculation, this may seem like an unachievable objective, and it certainly emphasizes the difference between the sexes in terms of speed to ejaculation. This is premature ejaculation, a condition which most men hate, because most men really want to last longer in bed. Lloyd Lester has written a great program called Ejaculation By Command that helps men learn how to control their ejaculation during sex. See for a review of Ejaculation By Comand by Lloyd Lester and to get more information on the art of extending lovemaking.)
If a woman has a big enough orgasm, she will be satisfied with the one - she won't want multiple orgasms, though she may be able to have them if you continue stimulating her after orgasm.
After she is satisfied you, her man, have the chance of some extremely pleasurable lovemaking. She is now likely to be about as ready for the insertion of your penis as she ever will be: warm, wet, and swollen into the bargain, her vagina craving your penis inside her. But don't force your way in. Tease her, with your penis between the lips of her vulva. Probe gently at her opening until she begs you to enter her more fully - and then tease her some more. Then, when she is begging you to put it inside her, slide in firmly and manfully, gazing lovingly into her eyes as you do so. She'll gasp with excitement and pleasure, and perhaps cradle her body around you, welcoming you to take your pleasure in her warm sexuality.
Be manly, but gentle; respectful, but powerfully male. The pleasure she takes from you being inside her after her orgasm will be matched only by the pleasure you get from the force of your orgasm and ejaculation. It goes without saying that the longer you can make this last, the better it will be for the both of you. And make sure that you lie together cradling her and making her feel special and loved afterwards. Rolling over and going to sleep straight away is not likely to get you invited back there any time soon!
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Premature Ejaculation Problem? When reviewers speak of ejaculation by command, I've noticed they tend to speak in hushed terms and say how wonderful it is for premature ejaculation control! You might even want to check it out for yourself.