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Sex tips for him to use on her (page 3)

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The key to successful sex for many women is a slow, prolonged build up. As a rough guide, a man can calculate that a woman needs ten times the amount of foreplay that he needs to become aroused (though I guess some women are now saying "ten times nothing is still nothing!") So this might equate on average to twenty minutes or so of foreplay. 

If you are faced with a woman who really cannot reach orgasm during sex, then this advice may be helpful. Anorgasmia or inability to reach orgasm during sex is a problem that affects about one woman in twenty five.

One of the problems for me in my early days as a lover was that I got bored with foreplay very quickly - I wanted penetration and orgasm, in the selfish way that young men want sexual satisfaction. Many men have emailed me to tell me that they have the same issue: how do they give their partner what she needs without being bored?

One answer is that men can focus on what they are doing; they can be fully present, and put all of their attention into their fingers, mouth or whatever part of their body they are using to fondle, stroke, kiss or caress their partner. By keeping focused on what you are doing, you will be much more interested in it, much more responsive to your partner's changing levels of excitement, and much less bored yourself. But this may not be enough, because a woman may also need variation and difference in the strokes that a man uses to awaken her sexual interest. 

For example, instead of just using the pads of your fingertips to caress her body, vary your touch. Use a scratching motion, running your fingernails gently down her skin, or vary the pressure from firm to soft as you move your fingers over her body. Move your fingers in circular movements or in long strokes; press more or less firmly as you touch her. When you kiss her, tease her with different movements of your tongue over her lips or mouth, perhaps sucking or pulling gently on her top or bottom lip with your mouth.

Don't stick your tongue straight into her mouth - she may not like it! Wait until she begins to become more responsive to your touch before you get bolder and more exploratory. Most of the time, as a man it is your job to lead her in sex, so that she discovers her arousal as a result of you leading her to it. A clear, decisive man is much more arousing for a woman than a man who is tentative and uncertain.

Above all, a woman will not want to be touched on or in her vagina or clitoris until she is sufficiently aroused for this to be pleasurable. A hand gently pressed palm downwards over her vulva is sometimes a good indication of her level of arousal - if she responds by raising her hips or indicating that she would like further exploration of her vagina, then it may be time to gently insert a finger.

But in the early stages of arousal, a woman will appreciate a man who takes the time to move his fingers all over her vulva, slowly moving them up and down the whole length of her labia and around her clitoris, not focusing too long on any one spot, but varying the pressure and movements in a way that leaves her excited by not knowing what is coming next, but reassured that her body is not being invaded sexually before she is ready for it. 

A very good way of increasing a woman's arousal is to massage her whole body in slow luxurious strokes with oil, paying particular attention to her back and legs. A teasing movement, stroking up her thighs, but not touching her vulva or anus, then moving away again at the last minute, will excite her by awakening her sense of desire to be touched on her erogenous zones.

As you move on to her buttocks, again making teasing moves towards and away from her anus and vulva, she may begin to raise her hips in a sign of sexual arousal. To make the experience better for you and her, do not allow yourself to be seduced into penetrating with your penis at this stage, even if she begs you to do so. Instead, awaken her G spot by massaging it with a finger inserted into her vagina. 

Her G spot is a ridged area of tissue about one or two inches inside, on the top surface of her vagina as she lies on her back. As she becomes more aroused, this tissue becomes more swollen and engorged, less ridgy and rough, and it drops down towards the floor of the vagina. You can move your finger over the surface of her G spot to find the point at which she is most sensitive. The exact type of movement that produces the greatest response is also different between women, so experiment with a hooked finger pressing gently upwards into her G spot, a sideways sweep from side to side like a windshield wiper, a back and forth movement to mimic penetration, and anything else that occurs to you. Sometimes the most effective movement is simple on-off gentle fingertip pressure and release on the very front edge of the G spot. 

G spot stimulation is only pleasurable after a particular point in a woman's arousal. If you do it too soon, she will not like it. However, when she is ready, it can be extremely exciting for her and produce exquisite sensations which provide a profound pleasure - and if you lick or gently caress her clitoris at the same time, she may well go into a state of extreme sexual ecstasy.

It's worth knowing, though, that the G spot is such a significant sexual nerve point that stimulating it can release all kinds of repressed emotions, and you may well find her laughing, crying, shouting, getting angry, or whatever, for no apparent reason. This is not personal; it represents the release of all the sexual baggage which has been stored in her vagina as a bodily memory. (A bodily memory is an unexpressed emotional experience relating to a sexual event. Clearly if a woman has been raped or sexually abused, the emotional release may be profound. In short, you never really know what will happen with G spot stimulation until you try it.)

Why do it, you may ask, if it can have such profound effects? The answer is that it is a route to extreme sexual pleasure: a G spot orgasm. This is a very different experience to a clitoral orgasm: much more profound, much more whole body, much more emotionally fulfilling. And it can lead to female ejaculation, which is an incredibly exciting experience for most men, and produces orgasmic contractions of extreme intensity for most women.

In addition, after a G spot orgasm, a woman's vagina is ready for her man's penis: swollen, warm, ready and craving to be filled by her lover. She will literally be warm, willing and wet, wanting you in her for the sheer pleasure of feeling the sexual energy of your penis meeting the sexual energy of her G spot. It is quite likely that she will come again through your vaginal thrusting, and if she does so, she is likely to have an orgasm with intense vaginal contractions which are likely to bring you off at the same time. This simultaneous experience of orgasm is a truly magical thing.

 

Discover How To Give Her An Orgasm Every Time You Have Sex!

Just imagine what your relationship would be like if you had the sexual skills to take your partner to orgasm whenever you wanted: how happy she'd be, how fulfilled you'd feel because of your sexual mastery - and how hot, hot, hot the sex you'd get from her would be....now, what are you waiting for?

The secrets of all these things are waiting for you, just a click away....click here to discover the secret of easy female orgasms!

 


Other pages of tips

Advanced sexual techniques
Advanced techniques for women
Men: Sex mistakes to avoid
Men: Mistakes to avoid during sex

Best sex positions
Anal sex positions
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Fellatio - what women think
Better sex and masturbation
Beauty of the penis
The penis & male pleasure
Premature ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation
Sexual behavior
Sex toys
Extended orgasm for men (1)
Extended orgasm for men (2)
The senses in lovemaking
Arousal and desire
Fetish and fantasy
Male multiple orgasm
Problems with arousal
Libido
Intercourse with a soft penis
Men's sexual needs
The power of the penis
The nature of masculinity
Male sexual massage
Sex positions
More About Sex Positions
Premature /rapid ejaculation

Other sections on this site

Penis facts and penile functions
The penis, masculinity and sex
A Cultural History Of The Penis
Images & Erotica
Penile & Other Problems